Crank

Crank is one of those movies I had to rent because I just love action movies, even if they are bad. Well, Crank was bad. I mean ridiculously silly, Don “The Dragon” Wilson bad. I think I even laughed out loud a few times at just how asinine it was.

Jason Statham if Chev Chelios, just your average, amazingly talented hit man. He kills someone, and in turn, his minions come after Chev and inject him with a potent poison. He and his doctor figure out that he has to keep his adrenalin pumping to stay alive, so he begins this crazed hunt for the guys who set him up. Enter the video game, where Chev runs from location to location fighting folks and trying to protect his girlfriend Eve, who doesn’t know he’s a hit man until just now. After all, he was going to retire to spend more time with her. But first, he needs to find a cure and kick some ass while he looks.

Jason Statham is a great action hero; I just wish someone would give him something more to do than these types of movies. At least give the man a starring role in a bigger action flick, like a Die Hard movie. Amy Smart plays Eve with a great California vibe, and she is nice window dressing, but she’s not more than that. Dwight Yoakam is Chev’s doctor, and at least this time around he didn’t creep me out.

I can’t say I would recommend this movie, unless you really like movies that have no substance whatsoever, ludicrous plot points, and not so great acting. I mean, I like bad movies, I like silly movies, and I like absurd movies. There was just something missing here.

Rating: 1 Hiss for just being plain awful. Not even Jason Statham having sex with Amy Smart in the middle of Chinatown with onlookers could save this movie.