Horror Fest 2007: 8 Films to Die For

I really love the idea of a horror movie fest, after all what’s better than watching horror movies than watching hours and hours all in one day. (I love Friday the 13th, don’t you?) So last year and this year I have eagerly awaited the Films to Die For, and while last year I was a little disappointed with the films, this year I was really disappointed. I liked several last year – they weren’t very good but they were likable. This year it just felt like there wasn’t much to enjoy. Here are some thoughts on each, written in the order that I watched them.

Mulberry Street

I thought Mulberry Street was a decent beginner to the Films to Die for collection. It had a nice, small neighborhood feel that felt much what I think New York City would be like. In fact it reminded me a bit of CHUD, which another of those guilty pleasures of mine, and the filming in the real New York subway tunnels. There was plenty of gore, and while the rat people didn’t seem any different from say, the 28 Days Later infected, the slight twists of the story and some genuine scares made it worth watching. But honestly, bare bones, it really is a retread of 28 Days Later (which, yes, was a retread of a bunch of other movies).

Unearthed

Unearthed mostly felt like a big old waste of time. I really thought this one would be okay. After all Emmanuelle Vaugier is in it (CSI:NY, various straight to DVD films), and I like her style. But really, this movie about an archeological dig that unearths an alien like creature with a thirst for blood is missing a whole lot of something. Even Alien vs. Predator was better than this (Yes, I know it had a bigger budget, blah blah. Either way, it was a similar premise.) Unearthed’s new territory had more to do with casting a woman as sheriff and then having her be a raging alcoholic in need of redemption. Other than that it was a pretty plot-lacking rip off of Aliens or even the far superior Feast.

The Deaths of Ian Stone

I watched The Deaths of Ian Stone on my flight back to Dallas from San Francisco. It made the flight pass pretty quickly. I like Mike Vogel and Christina Cole (go Hex! – the British Sort of Buffy). Mike Vogel plays an all-American guy who has this problem- he keeps getting stalked and killed by weird looking creatures, and then waking up the next day in a new life to have it happen all over again. I liked this one a lot – the concept was cool – until the end. It got kind of goofy when you learn the “twist.”

Lake Dead

Lake Dead was just bad. Bad, bad, bad. Bad. I mean B.A.D.

Nightmare Man

Nightmare Man was also bad. Ellen has nightmares about a guy who looks like the new fertility mask she bought to help her conceive. On the way to the loony bin, Ellen is attacked and away she runs and ends up with a group hanging out at a house in the woods. From there the movie can’t decide if it’s funny or serious and it does neither well. It wasn’t as bad as Lake Dead, but when Pandabob came in from the GeekCave and said what the hell are you watching, well, I was embarrassed. It takes a lot for me to be embarrassed about watching a bad movie.

Borderland

Borderland was actually pretty good. Roughly based on a true story, Borderland finds 3 guys visiting a border town in Mexico for Spring Break. They are there to do what these guys usually do – drink-get high-have fun with the local girls. Everything was fine and dandy until they ran into the local human sacrifice cult. Man. This one had atmosphere, creepiness, and Samwise Gamgee (Sean Astin) puts in a really icky and unexpected performance. Well worth the rental. The DVD includes an interesting documentary about the true story that inspired the film. That made the rental really worth it.

Tooth and Nail

This movie was also bad. Bad. Whoa buddy. The acting was awful, and the main heroine has no facial expressions whatsoever. Tooth and Nail is about our future – we run out of gas so the world goes to shit. Folks start being cannibals or hiding out from the cannibals. At the end, the heroine is supposed to go all Ripley on the bad guys but in fact just ends up looking like cardboard with tribal makeup. Note to self- when it’s time for me to beat up the bad guys, I’m going to make sure and don my “strong chick” leather vest. How she foils the bad guys makes no sense and I think it’s biologically impossible, but hey I’m a user interface designer – what do I know?

Crazy Eights

Crazy Eights should have been better with all of the bigger name stars in it – Dina Meyer, Traci Lords, Gabrielle Anwar, Frank Whaley, and George Newbern. The idea is good and the movie’s not bad either – it just felt like a whole heck of a lot was cut out. Six childhood friends reunite at a funeral and end up uncovering a secret that wants revenge and in the process end up at the weird psychiatric hospital where they all grew up. There are some serious plot holes here, but I love Dina Meyer so I’ll watch pretty much anything she’s been in, including that Wild Things sequel.

Maybe I just remember the previous years movies fondly, but this year’s horrorfest seemed lacking. Maybe next year it will be better.

Rating: Purrs and hisses all around