The Lost Boys: The Tribe

"Your sister's a suck monkey. " - Edgar Frog

Boy, rarely do I see a horror movie that makes me sad. It's happened occasionally, but I can't think of one on the top of my head. The Lost Boys: The Tribe made me cry. It was so bad, I can't even explain how bad it was. I like bad horror movies, generally, but damn, this was bad in a way you can't even MST3K.

In TLB:TT, we meet Chris, a former surfer, and his sister Nicole. They've just moved to Luna Bay, CA hoping to start a new life with their Aunt Jillian, but unfortunately, she's not being as generous as they had hoped. They are having to pay rent for their broken down house she is leasing to them, so now the siblings must find work. In the process, Chris meets another former surfer, Shane, and tries to get a job with Edgar Frog working in his board shop. One night at a party at Shane's house, Shane takes an extra interest in Nicole, and she ends up drinking something special. You know the drill. Once Nicole and Chris realize something's up, Chris seeks out Edgar again to help save his sister. Can he save her?

Everything about this movie was bad, from the extra cheesy special effects to the piss-poor acting. I know The Lost Boys wasn't all that Oscar-caliber, but it has a special place in my heart. We used to run around quoting the damn thing. "You can never grow old, you can never die, but you *must feed.*" Ha. Such fond memories. Why, oh why did they make a sequel? It was a very pale imitation of what could have been. The Reign of Frogs comics were better than this (they walk through the events leading up to the film). If only they had made the sequel in comic form, but even then, unless they improved the story and added to the whole vampire as hippies type myth that The Lost Boys started, it wouldn't have mattered. I look for more than just a redux in a sequel (which this pretty much was, albeit a very poor, colorless redux). I want to get more of the story, more of the myth. Think Friday the 13th Part 2. There you get a similar story overall, but then you learn more about Jason (plus, hello, Amy Steel). 

Anyway, just avoid this if you liked the original at all. Trust me, you'll just be disappointed.

Rating: Hiss. Hiss. Phooey on you for coloring the memory of one of my favorite vampire films. 

Speed Racer

I went into watching Speed Racer not expecting much, and I got what I expected. Now that may sound like I didn't like it, which is completely not true. I *loved* Speed Racer. I loved everything about it. From the loud, candy colored art design, to the outrageously silly story, to Emile Hirsh and Christina Ricci, I loved this movie. It helps that I also loved the original cartoon series; Speed Racer was my first real crush, and seeing him again in action just made me smile a whole heck of a lot.

So the story is all about Speed and his family. From a young age, Speed has been obsessed with cars and racing. Part of this is probably a because of hero worship, since his brother and his whole family is also obsessed with racing. In the opening, Speed is racing the same car race where his brother died, and later is offered a job racing with a big conglomerate.  Speed turns the job down, and of course must then fight the big machine. Will he win the big final race? Who is Racer X? Will Speed and Trixie *ever* kiss?

Everything about this movie is popcorn. The art design in this is all bright colors and video games. It's pure carnival. Everyone plays their parts well - John Goodman as Papa Racer, Susan Sarandon as Momma Racer, Emile Hirsch as Speed, Christina Ricci as Trixie, and Matthew Fox as (who has the perfect profile for) Racer X. Everything about this film was over the top, and while it is mostly just a light, frothy confection, there is a nice moral to the silly, comic story. Speed sees the value in being true to one's self, the value of family, and the fact that no matter how great you are, there are others who are there to catch you and help you.

Trust me, this movie isn't deep by any means, but I didn't go into a movie called Speed Racer expecting Oscar material. I expected silly fun and I got it.

Jack Brooks Monster Slayer

I'll admit to you right up front that I had pretty low expectations for Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer. I saw the poster somewhere and thought, "Hm, that looks funny." And lo and behold, it was funny. It was darn funny.

Jack Brooks is just your average guy. Well, except that tricky monster attack when he was 10-ish that killed his whole family. It's haunts him into his 20's. Now he's a plumber with a harpy for a girlfriend, he's taking night school classes that he could care less about, he has a temper that gets him into a ton of trouble, and he's harboring a crush on the girl in the front row. His therapist is afraid of him, and now, it looks like his professor is becoming something nasty. Something possibly monster-like. What's an average guy to do?

Robert Englund plays the professor, and man he is a treat. He's just funny. Trevor Matthews is funny as Jack Brooks. I mean, there aren't any Oscar worthy performances here, but the acting in this is better than many of the "Movies to die for" series and Sci Fi channel Originals. The whole thing plays like a B-Movie, and it does it well. I love that they used "men in suits" and puppetry to make the monsters. CGI can be so bad, especially in a low budget situation. The Professor monster was awesome, so gross and almost Jabba the Hut like.

Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer is worth a rental if you are looking for a funny, low budget B Movie. It won't kill you to miss it, but I think we might see good things from these guys in the future.

Rating: 4 Purrs for surpassing my expectations and the tentacle monster - yikes!

Obedience by Will Lavender

As the case usually goes, I found this book via my paperback book club. Good old Quality Paperback Books. You are the reason I have over 1000 books in my library. QPB, you and I are soul mates. Truly, deeply, madly, forever. Obedience by Will Lavender is one of those books that seal the deal. It’s one of those that bind us together forever, QPB. Yes, it does.

When you start Obedience, you are introduced to a cast of very intriguing characters (and the characterization is just one of the reasons why I love this book. It's subtle, but Mary is a great character.). You have Mary, the insecure girl who feels compelled to be the one who answers everyone’s questions, who is only made more nervous by seeing that her ex-boyfriend, Dennis is in her new philosophy class. Dennis is the self-confident one, the star, the one who usually gets what he wants. There’s Brian, the boy who has a troubled past and is hiding some secrets, including a possible affection for Mary. Then there's good old Professor Williams. His classes are rumored to be much more entertaining than your normal philosophy courses. He opens the Logic and Reasoning class with this: there's this girl; her name is Polly. She's been kidnapped and you have until the end of the course to save her (six weeks). Otherwise she's dead, murdered by her kidnapper. As the professor introduces more and more clues (including real photographs of real people and places that the trio know), they get more and more involved, and all begin to wonder if the story is true. Is Polly really alive? Who took her? What is Dr. Williams' real purpose? Is it really just a game or is Polly dying day by day?

Like I said before, the characters were interesting, and the plot moves pretty rapidly once the game is afoot. The title of this book is pretty much what the whole story is all about. It’s the heart of the matter, so to speak, but you might not get that until the very end. Read until the end, find out the solution. It’s worth it, even if it does feel a bit like a let down. I know some have felt that way. I, however, laughed. It was perfect.

Rating: 4 1/2 Purrs. Loved it. Loved it right down to the fact that Mary thinks Poirot is just a little bit sexy. I even loved the end. Well, the end, but not the *end.* I wasn't happy with what happened to a couple of characters, but I can't say more or I'll give it away. 

Terry Gilliam! Windmills! Don Quixote!

I just read that Terry Gilliam is going to restart his production of The Man Who Killed Don Quixote. Whee!

I watched the documentary Lost in La Mancha a few years ago and was so overwhelmed with Gilliam's vision and so sad to see the just *awful* luck involved with the film. Flash floods, back problems, destroyed sets. Just like someone broke 100 mirrors and channeled all of that bad luck into one film. But the pieces of the film that you did get to see, the storyboards and costumes and drawings, gave me just enough of a taste to really wish he would have been able to push on. Wow. I just love his movies, mostly because I have always felt that Gilliam has such vision, such a signature style that creates a fairytale on screen. Sometimes it's dark , like 12 Monkeys, sometimes it's an adventure full of life and bittersweet relationships, like The Adventures of Baron von Munchausen. But what you always get is a dream. A beautiful, eerie, haunting dream.

Barber's Adagio for Strings

I was listening to my iPod, The DoctorPod, this morning while getting ready for work and heard the most amazing song. I had to take a moment and just listen while Samuel Barber's Adagio for Strings played. It is possibly one of the most hauntingly beautiful pieces of music I have ever heard. I swear my heart broke listening to this piece, the way the strings slowly build and descend, build and descend, until you feel like your heart will burst, and the things get quiet, and then build again. Wow.

I like a lot of classical music; a lot of pieces make me really, truly, emotionally respond, but this one, well, it's a cut above. It's up there with Bach's Toccata and Fugue, Air on the G String, Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring. It's up there with Mozart's Moonlight Sonata, Haydn's Emperor's Hymn, Debussy's Clair de Lune, and pretty much any version of Ave Maria. It's just amazing. I can't tell you how much, you need to go listen yourself.

I am committed to Sparkle Motion.

Yes, that's right. It's D-Day. My future sister-in-law bought the "Sookie Sunday" group tickets to see Twilight tonight at midnight. Lord help us, for we may be lost in the screaming hordes of fangirls as they rush the theater to get good seats to see RPattz on the big screen.

We'll be much more dignified of course. We won't scream. At least not until the movie actually starts.

April Fool’s Day (remake)

April Fools Day is hands-down one of my favorite 80's slasher films. It stars Deborah Foreman and Amy Steel, two of my favorite horror actresses (plus who can forget Deborah Foreman's memorable scene in Real Genius? Not I.) I rented the "remake" of AFD knowing it would in no way meet my expectations, but I guess I am just a glutton for punishment because this was way beyond bad.

This new version of April Fool's Day has none of the spirit of the original. The whole film is shot on video and has that shiny, crisp feel. The characters aren't interesting or sympathetic, and none of the actors are half as good as the originals. Scout Taylor Compton isn't nearly as good as Amy Steel. There really isn't anything about this movie that makes it worth watching, from its silly prank to death beginning to the twist ending that's not even close to a twist. This time around it's not a murder mystery weekend set up, it's a killer back to avenge the accidental death of a friend a year before set up. Even the deaths are so choreographed you can see them coming a mile away.

I don't know how this even got made, but I can tell why it went straight to video. I have seen Sci-Fi Channel Originals starring Casper van Dien that were more entertaining than this.

Rating: Hiss Hiss Hiss. This just makes me sad that they even tarnished the original by pretending this was a remake.

The rumors are true!

I just saw on Amazon that P.D. James has written a new Adam Dalgliesh mystery and it comes out tomorrow.

Maybe iSanta will be good enough to get it for me. I just love her books. She's like Agatha Christie on steroids - more plot, more characterization, more thinking. I've been waiting to read The Lighthouse because I knew it would be awhile until I got the next AD mystery and now the waiting is over. Yipee!

OMG Star Trek num num num

When I saw Quantum of Solace this weekend I was hoping for the new Watchmen trailer. Instead I got the latest Star Trek trailer.

Wow.

Wow.

I *love* Star Trek. I've seen all of the movies (outside of the the first one, when I was 4) in the theater. Some on opening day. I even love the The Voyage Home (Save the Whales).

I really had to keep myself from jumping up out of my seat and wiggling around like a crazy fool. It took a lot of willpower. I'm still giddy thinking about it today.

And on that note...a little Star Trek The Voyage Home quote to brighten your day.

"I mean, I may have carried your soul but I sure couldn't fill your shoes. " - McCoy to Spock

We are going to need a bigger boat.

Steve has been watching this series from the BBC (I think) called Planet Earth. He also knows that while Jaws is one of my all time favorite films, it is one of my favorites because I have a terrifying fear of sharks. Big ones, small ones, I don't care. My hands get clammy just thinking about sharks, which sucks, because I do happen to have a serious love of the ocean. So just think of me, on the beach in Mexico or wherever, fully fortified with alcoholic beverages, saying to myself, there are no sharks, there are no sharks, and then remembering this video.

You Tube video of a Great White


Bastard.

The Eye (Remake)

I really liked the original Hong King film, Jian Gui, so I thought I would give this American remake a chance. Unfortunately The Eye was almost the exact same as the original, and I just hate it when a remake doesn't bring something new to the table. On the other hand, the remake stars Alessandro Nivola, and I'll pretty much salivate over that guy in anything he ever does (including singing and dancing in Kenneth Brannagh's Love's Labors Lost), so I can't be too down on the film regardless of how much I would like to be.

In The Eye, Jessica Alba plays Sydney, a blind violinist who receives a corneal transplant. Finally, for the first time since she was very young, she can see. While she is getting used to seeing the world again, she realizes that some things that she sees aren't real. Some of those things are ghosts, and they want something from her. Alessandro Nivola plays her doctor, who sort of ends up falling for her and helping her uncover the mystery. Why is this happening? Who was her donor, and why, now after all of this time, is she seeing these ghosts? Are the visions real, or is she losing her mind?

Long story short, I liked the original better. This one had some nice atmosphere, but overall I think the original did it all better. It was spookier, the ghosts were more forboding, and well, even with avingt o read subtitles, the acting was far better. I would probably feel differently if there was something new and fresh brought to the story in the American remake, but there really wasn't. I liked Ringu and The Ring because I thought each really stood on their own. The Ring was similar enough to the original and yet still had a feeling of its own. The Eye didn't really have that.

Rating: 3 Purrs for some creepy ghost scenes and Mr. Nivola, but that's pretty much it.

The Mist

“Lady, your tongue must be hung in the middle so that it can waggle at both ends.”

The Mist is one of my favorite Stephen King short stories. When I heard they were making a movie version I was torn. On the one hand, I loved the idea of seeing the story brought to life, but on the other, I know that sometimes his stories just don't translate well. What I loved about the written story was the lack of a reason why behind the mist. And well, we know that movies don't exactly let the reason behind why things occur just hide in the background anymore. They like to spoon-feed it to you. 

So yes, the bulk of the story remains the same. Dave Drayton travels into town one day to pick up supplies after a terrible storm has knocked a whole heck of a lot around his lovely lake-front home. He takes his son with him, leaving the wife to guard the homestead. Once in town, strange things start to happen. A mist is moving across the town, and something's in the mist. Something that likes to eat people. Dave and his son are trapped in the grocery store with some other townsfolk, including the crazy religious freak, Mrs. Carmody, who declares it the "end times" and starts ranting about sacrifices and the second coming. Tension build between those who begin to follow Mrs. Carmody and those who hold to reason and fact. The question becomes will Dave and his band of "common sense" folks survive, or will they be sacrificed at the hands of the new religious fever infecting the survivors? Will they stay in the store or will they take their chances in the mist? Has the mist overtaken just the town, or has it reached everywhere?

What I liked? I thought the actors did a very fine job here - Thomas Jane was Dave and Marcia Gay Harden is sufficiently creepy as Mrs. Carmody. Although, she does tend to turn into a stereotype after awhile, but then I don't know how you could not make that character over the top, seeing as her purpose to the story. The creatures were scary, the atmosphere spooky, and there were some moments where I definitely jumped in my seat. 

What I didn't like? Andre Braugher was woefully underutilized. He was a really nice foil for Thomas Jane's character. And the ending. Yes, I didn't like it. I understand it was approved by Stephen King (he's credited as saying he wished he'd thought of it), but I just didn't get that he and the others had reached that point of despair. It seemed too much like an ending Hollywood decided on for shock value, rather than it being true to the characters. Also, the reason behind the mist was of course inferred rather heavily, rather than left up to the imagination. 

I wasn't disappointed in the movie version at all, but I don't think it could ever be as fascinating and as much of a draw on my imagination as the story itself. 

Rating: 4 Purrs for some awesome dialog, spooky atmosphere, and of course, The Punisher, Mr. Thomas Jane