I rented The Mutant Chronicles from NetFlix, mostly because I love Thomas Jane in just about anything. I'm not sure I can forgive him this one though. This one felt more like a straight to SyFy (why oh why change your name why?) flick, not even a straight to DVD flick. It was that bad.
In some weird steampunk 1910 type universe, there are 4 corporations. They fight each other using trench warfare. A hole opens up and the mutants come out, slashing in lovely CGI gore. (by lovely I mean BAD. Really bad.) The world is lost (oh no!) and the Fellowship of the Ring must take the one ring to Mordor...wait wrong movie. A rag tag group of super fighters from the various corporations must band together to blow up the machine and save the planet. I know, it is as silly as it sounds.
What seemed somewhat interesting at first only heads pretty much straight into boring, oh-my-god seriously territory very quickly. The idea of a steampunk type world based on WWI rather than the Victorian Age could have been really interesting. In fact it held my attention here and there. Unfortunately the painful acting, awful plot, and ridiculous John Malkovich cameo just killed it. Oh and the, really that's the end ending. That too. I knew the minute the camera panned up to a red-clocked figure and I saw it was Ron Perlman that this movie was doomed. I like Ron Perlman, but with a fake accent and missing his HellBoy make-up, well, it just didn't seem right.
I really wouldn't recommend this one even to die-hard sci-fi fans. It's just too painful. And I like goofy sci-fi movies. Shut off the DVD player and read some Philip K Dick instead.
Rating: Hiss. Hiss I say!
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
The Last House on the Left (remake)
I loved the original Last House on the Left. Wes Craven truly was a seriously horrific stroyteller back in the 70's and 80's. The Hills Have Eyes, Nightmare on Elm Street, and The Serpent and the Rainbow are some of my favorite horror movies. I loved the remake of The Hills Have Eyes. It didn't change much, and it felt very gritty and gross, just like the original. Luckily, the people responsible for the remake of The Last House on the Left took a page out of that book and kept the feeling, flavor, and horror of the original and made a great movie.
Mari and her parents have come up to their lake house to spend the summer, and Mari soon borrows the car to go meet her summer friend Paige to hang out and just be teenagery together. If you have ever watched a horror movie, you know this bodes not well for the two girls. They soon meet Justin, a hapless underage kid trying to buy cigarettes. The girls go back to hang out with Justin at his hotel, and unfortunately for them, Krug and the Gang show up and they are none too happy. Once the girls are tortured, raped, and sliced and diced, the gang takes refuge at Mari's lake house, where Mari's unsuspecting parents take them in during a horrible storm. Soon the parents discover just who their guests are and what they have done, and that's when the good stuff happens. Beware the parents who must fight for their child. They seek vengeance, y'all, and boy is it bloody. It's pure gore, sloppy violence. None of this insta-hero with super strength suddenly becoming Rambo. These people discover a revenge streak they never knew they had, and even thouogh they are clumsy, fall over, get beaten up, they still keep fighting. It's glorious.
I really thought the actors were excellent. Krug and the Gang (ha ha) really are creepy and Justin is such a sad character. The violence is truly horrific, although I remember the original being a bit more violent regarding the torture of the two hapless teenagers. The rape scene is awful; I couldn't watch it at all. My eyes were closed and I had my ears shut as tight as they could be. I watched the unrated version, so maybe the rated wasn't as bad. Let's just say it made my skin crawl right off. If you can get past all of that build up, all of that tension, the last half of the movie is well worth the wait. Tony Goldwyn and Monica Potter exact a revenge worth watching, and I cheered as the bad guys had the tables turned on them.
If you can make it through the torture scenes, you might enjoy this one. I am glad I watched it, but I won't be watching it again. It was just too much to get through that lead up.
Rating: 4 1/2 Purrs for making me really uncomfortable and then giving me a chance to cheer for the good guys as they kick ass.
Mari and her parents have come up to their lake house to spend the summer, and Mari soon borrows the car to go meet her summer friend Paige to hang out and just be teenagery together. If you have ever watched a horror movie, you know this bodes not well for the two girls. They soon meet Justin, a hapless underage kid trying to buy cigarettes. The girls go back to hang out with Justin at his hotel, and unfortunately for them, Krug and the Gang show up and they are none too happy. Once the girls are tortured, raped, and sliced and diced, the gang takes refuge at Mari's lake house, where Mari's unsuspecting parents take them in during a horrible storm. Soon the parents discover just who their guests are and what they have done, and that's when the good stuff happens. Beware the parents who must fight for their child. They seek vengeance, y'all, and boy is it bloody. It's pure gore, sloppy violence. None of this insta-hero with super strength suddenly becoming Rambo. These people discover a revenge streak they never knew they had, and even thouogh they are clumsy, fall over, get beaten up, they still keep fighting. It's glorious.
I really thought the actors were excellent. Krug and the Gang (ha ha) really are creepy and Justin is such a sad character. The violence is truly horrific, although I remember the original being a bit more violent regarding the torture of the two hapless teenagers. The rape scene is awful; I couldn't watch it at all. My eyes were closed and I had my ears shut as tight as they could be. I watched the unrated version, so maybe the rated wasn't as bad. Let's just say it made my skin crawl right off. If you can get past all of that build up, all of that tension, the last half of the movie is well worth the wait. Tony Goldwyn and Monica Potter exact a revenge worth watching, and I cheered as the bad guys had the tables turned on them.
If you can make it through the torture scenes, you might enjoy this one. I am glad I watched it, but I won't be watching it again. It was just too much to get through that lead up.
Rating: 4 1/2 Purrs for making me really uncomfortable and then giving me a chance to cheer for the good guys as they kick ass.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
The Happening
I avoided The Happening like the plague until it finally came on HBO and I DVRd it. I really wish, after watching it all the way through, mouth agape in wonder at how bad a movie could possibly be, that I could hunt Mr. Sixth Sense down and ask him for my hour and a half back. I mean, I have seen bad movies. I enjoy bad movies. I watch them with relish. Usually, those movies are so bad they are good. Even Manos, Hands of Fate was worthy of watching, simply because the MST3K guys made watching it enjoyable. I am sad to say that I doubt even those guys could make The Happening worth watching again. I think my mistake wasn’t hunting down a RiffTrax or Cinematic Titanic track to watch with it. Then maybe, just maybe I wouldn’t be so bitter about the 1.5 hours this movie cost me. I don’t know though. Maybe not.
What I liked about this movie. Hm. That’s a tough one. Is there anything? Well, there were some scenes that could have been truly disturbing. Unfortunately, they were all in the trailer. The images of people throwing themselves off of buildings, hanging from trees, and all other forms of mass suicide could have been horrific, if they were in the hands of a more capable director. Unfortunately, they weren’t.
I could take that leap of faith and think that Marky Mark Walberg was intelligent enough to actually teach a junior high science class. If I squinted enough and just jumped right in there and suspended that disbelief, I could believe that two people, one of whom is a favorite actress (Zooey Deshanel) could be married, despite a complete lack of chemistry. I mean, a complete lack. None. In fact, I often wondered if they were in the same movie, shooting the same scenes together, seeing as so much of it is shot in single actor frames, sort of like how no one believes Pacino and DeNiro were in Heat together because they never seemed to be in the same frame. Seriously, so much of the movie was shot in these single actor frames I wonder if anyone was actually shooting the same scene at the same time.
So much of the plot was telegraphed early one that I can't help but think I would have known the big a-ha twist even if it hadn't been spoiled for me but dozens of others. I mean, at the beginning, one of the kids in Marky Mark's science class says, "An act of nature, and we'll never fully understand it." I think Mr. Sixth Sense thought he was being profound, but you know, not really. And when I heard it I knew it would come back around. And guess what. It did. And when it did, I seriously eye-rolled my whole body. I half-way expected some big drum roll in the background.
I don't think this movie was supposed to make me laugh, but it did. Out loud. I almost cried I laughed so hard. I seriously wonder if any of the actors read the script before signing on, and if they did, what on Earth possessed them to go ahead and sign up? If not, did they fire their agents after reading the script? And how on Earth did anyone greenlight this project? I want to find out who it was and punch them right in the baby-maker. Yes, yes I do.
If you want to watch a ludicrous killer plant movie, watch something better, like Day of the Triffids. Or better yet, read the book. It's a better use of your time than this painful. heavy-handed, oh-so-dramatic drivel. I swear this is the absolute last time I watch a M. Night Shyamalan movie. I have now been burned bad enough to take no more chances.
Rating: Can I give more than 5 hisses? Cause I would. Hell, it's my blog. Hisses to the infinite power for this one.
What I liked about this movie. Hm. That’s a tough one. Is there anything? Well, there were some scenes that could have been truly disturbing. Unfortunately, they were all in the trailer. The images of people throwing themselves off of buildings, hanging from trees, and all other forms of mass suicide could have been horrific, if they were in the hands of a more capable director. Unfortunately, they weren’t.
I could take that leap of faith and think that Marky Mark Walberg was intelligent enough to actually teach a junior high science class. If I squinted enough and just jumped right in there and suspended that disbelief, I could believe that two people, one of whom is a favorite actress (Zooey Deshanel) could be married, despite a complete lack of chemistry. I mean, a complete lack. None. In fact, I often wondered if they were in the same movie, shooting the same scenes together, seeing as so much of it is shot in single actor frames, sort of like how no one believes Pacino and DeNiro were in Heat together because they never seemed to be in the same frame. Seriously, so much of the movie was shot in these single actor frames I wonder if anyone was actually shooting the same scene at the same time.
So much of the plot was telegraphed early one that I can't help but think I would have known the big a-ha twist even if it hadn't been spoiled for me but dozens of others. I mean, at the beginning, one of the kids in Marky Mark's science class says, "An act of nature, and we'll never fully understand it." I think Mr. Sixth Sense thought he was being profound, but you know, not really. And when I heard it I knew it would come back around. And guess what. It did. And when it did, I seriously eye-rolled my whole body. I half-way expected some big drum roll in the background.
I don't think this movie was supposed to make me laugh, but it did. Out loud. I almost cried I laughed so hard. I seriously wonder if any of the actors read the script before signing on, and if they did, what on Earth possessed them to go ahead and sign up? If not, did they fire their agents after reading the script? And how on Earth did anyone greenlight this project? I want to find out who it was and punch them right in the baby-maker. Yes, yes I do.
If you want to watch a ludicrous killer plant movie, watch something better, like Day of the Triffids. Or better yet, read the book. It's a better use of your time than this painful. heavy-handed, oh-so-dramatic drivel. I swear this is the absolute last time I watch a M. Night Shyamalan movie. I have now been burned bad enough to take no more chances.
Rating: Can I give more than 5 hisses? Cause I would. Hell, it's my blog. Hisses to the infinite power for this one.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
District 9
I have been waiting forever to see District 9 pretty much since I first read about it way back in Rolling Stone's or Entertainment Weekly's Summer movie preview. They described it as a thinker's hard sci fi movie, and yes, that's pretty much what we got. Finally, truth in advertising. Ha.
I hate to give too much away, because I really think the less you know about District 9, the happier you will be with the movie. What you see in the trailer is this: a derelict alien spacecraft has is sitting in the sky over Johannesburg. The aliens inside are refugees of sorts, and have been relocated to an area called District 9. Folks are not too pleased, as you would expect.
I loved the real time, documentary feel of the film. It felt like Cloverfield, only I didn't get the nice wooziness I had seeing that one on the big screen. Ugh. This had just the right balance of sci fi, gore, tension, and social commentary to make me happy. I would have to say it's one of the best films I have seen this year, and definitely one of the best I have seen this summer. It was like a Night of the Living Dead in the midst of a collection of Speed Racers. I loved Speed Racer, it was a fun popcorn movie, but Night of the Living Dead had weight. It had substance and was fun all at once.
I can't recommend District 9 enough. It was so good, you have to go see it. Maybe we can get more movies like this if this one makes enough money.
Rating: 4 1/2 Purrrrrrssss - I would definitely see it again.
I hate to give too much away, because I really think the less you know about District 9, the happier you will be with the movie. What you see in the trailer is this: a derelict alien spacecraft has is sitting in the sky over Johannesburg. The aliens inside are refugees of sorts, and have been relocated to an area called District 9. Folks are not too pleased, as you would expect.
I loved the real time, documentary feel of the film. It felt like Cloverfield, only I didn't get the nice wooziness I had seeing that one on the big screen. Ugh. This had just the right balance of sci fi, gore, tension, and social commentary to make me happy. I would have to say it's one of the best films I have seen this year, and definitely one of the best I have seen this summer. It was like a Night of the Living Dead in the midst of a collection of Speed Racers. I loved Speed Racer, it was a fun popcorn movie, but Night of the Living Dead had weight. It had substance and was fun all at once.
I can't recommend District 9 enough. It was so good, you have to go see it. Maybe we can get more movies like this if this one makes enough money.
Rating: 4 1/2 Purrrrrrssss - I would definitely see it again.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Severance Package by Duane Swierczynski
Severance Package by Duane Swierczynski (besides having the hardest name ever in the world to type) is another one of those Quality Paperback Book club books that I bought on a whim, and after losing my job a couple of months ago, found even funnier and more full of black comedy than maybe if I were still working. It was truly an enjoyable book - dark, bloody, funny, and so, so satirical it almost burns like razor burn.
One hot Saturday in August, the boss has called in his key personnel into the office for a 9 AM meeting. No one knows why, least of all Jamie Debroux, who has been out the last month on paternity leave. After all, he's not really part of the inner circle; he's just a press writer. When he shows up, the conference room is stocked full of cookies, orange juice, and champagne, and the Knox, the boss, announces something very unexpected. It seems the business is a front for the intelligence community, and they are being shut down. In intelligence-speak, that means everybody has to die. They can choose to drink the mimosas and die quietly, or get a bullet in the head. Naturally, all hell breaks lose, because well, Jamie was in the dark, but not everyone else was. It's a fight to the death, with the clique making more alliances than a season of Prison Break, and no one knowing who to trust. Will Jamie survive to see his family again? You have to read to find out.
Like I said, it's very fun. Think film noir crossed with The Bourne Identity and Quentin Tarantino. It's bloody, characters are simply drawn but end up not being who you thought they were when you first meet them, and it's fairly tightly written. Overall, I would recommend it. It's not brilliant piece of literature, but it's higher on the scale than a worthwhile beach read.
Rating: 4 Purrs for a fast, page turning read. I read this puppy in maybe 8 hours.
One hot Saturday in August, the boss has called in his key personnel into the office for a 9 AM meeting. No one knows why, least of all Jamie Debroux, who has been out the last month on paternity leave. After all, he's not really part of the inner circle; he's just a press writer. When he shows up, the conference room is stocked full of cookies, orange juice, and champagne, and the Knox, the boss, announces something very unexpected. It seems the business is a front for the intelligence community, and they are being shut down. In intelligence-speak, that means everybody has to die. They can choose to drink the mimosas and die quietly, or get a bullet in the head. Naturally, all hell breaks lose, because well, Jamie was in the dark, but not everyone else was. It's a fight to the death, with the clique making more alliances than a season of Prison Break, and no one knowing who to trust. Will Jamie survive to see his family again? You have to read to find out.
Like I said, it's very fun. Think film noir crossed with The Bourne Identity and Quentin Tarantino. It's bloody, characters are simply drawn but end up not being who you thought they were when you first meet them, and it's fairly tightly written. Overall, I would recommend it. It's not brilliant piece of literature, but it's higher on the scale than a worthwhile beach read.
Rating: 4 Purrs for a fast, page turning read. I read this puppy in maybe 8 hours.
Sunday, August 02, 2009
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
I don't know how how many people told me Forgetting Sarah Marshall was hilarious. They were right. It's all in the mix - Kristen Bell plays just the right amount of bitch and cute, Mila Kunis is adorable, the Apatow regulars are a perfect background mix, Russell Brand was funnier than I expected, and Jason Segel was downright perfect. He is such a nice mix of goofball, sweet, funny that he really does seem to be the guy you would love to bring back to the parents.
Am I the only person in the world who would love to see the full production of Dracula puppets? Surely not...
Am I the only person in the world who would love to see the full production of Dracula puppets? Surely not...
Saturday, August 01, 2009
Progress on my Book List for the 9/9/9 Project
Here's an update on my 9/9/9 project. That's 9 books in 9 categories in 2009 (plus an extra few to make it up to 100 this year). Books in bold I have read. You would think I would have been caught up by now, but so far I believe the count is at 39 for the year. I should be at 50 or so by now if I am going to make 100. Hm.
Books I should have read but haven't (The Classics)
Books I should have read but haven't (The Classics)
- Sanditon and Other Stories by Jane Austen
- Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte
- I, Robot by Issac Asimov
- Breakfast at Tiffany's by Truman Capote
- Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert
- Jude the Obscure by Thomas Hardy
- The Monk by Matthew Lewis
- The Sound and The Fury by William Faulkner
- Middlemarch by George Eliot
- The Birth of Venus by Sarah Dunant
- The Story of Edgar Sawtelle by David Wroblewski
- The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay by Michael Chabon
- Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtry
- Snow Crash by Neal Stephenson
- Post Office by Charles Bukowski
- UBIK by Philip K Dick
- Ham on Rye by Charles Bukowski
- Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut
- QPB Anthology of Women's Writing edited by Susan Cahill
- The Disobedience of Water: Stories and Novellas by Sena Jeter Naslund
- Welcome to the Monkey House by Kurt Vonnegut
- The Portable Dorothy Parker by Dorothy Parker
- The Best of Roald Dahl by Roald Dahl
- Morning in the Burned House by Margaret Atwood
- The Waste Land and Other Poems by T.S. Eliot
- Just After Sunset by Stephen King
- Transformations by Anne Sexton
- Sin in the Second City: Madams, Ministers, Playboys, and the Battle for America's Soul by Karen Abbott
- Art & Fear by David Bayles
- The Lost Continent: Travels in Small-Town America by Bill Bryson
- Secret Lives of Great Authors: What Your Teachers Never Told You About Famous Novelists, Poets, and Playwrights by Robert Schnakenberg
- A Biography of Zelda by Nancy Milford
- Desperate Passage: The Donner Party's Perilous Journey West by Ethan Rarick
- The Journalist and The Murder by Janet Malcom
- The Monster of Florence by Douglas Preston
- Spook: Science Tackles the Afterlife by Mary Roach
- The Secret Agent by Joseph Conrad
- Middlesex by Jeffery Eugenides
- Snobs by Julian Fellowes
- Fragile Things Neil Gaiman
- Love by Toni Morrison
- The Body Artist by Don DeLillo
- White Teeth by Zadie Smith
- Where or When by Anita Shreve
- Atonement by Ian McEwan
- L.A. Confidential by James Ellroy
- The Road by Cormac McCarthy
- The Turn of the Screw by Henry James
- Let the Right One In by John Ajvide Lindquist
- The Informers by Bret Easton Ellis
- The Stand by Stephen King
- The Last Picture Show by Larry McMurtry
- Zodiac by Robert Graysmith
- Blindness by Jose Saramago
- The Prydain series by Lloyd Alexander (The Book of Three, The Black Cauldron, The Castle of Lyr, Taran Wander, The High King)
- The Earthsea Cycle by Ursula K. LeGuin (The Wizard of Earthsea, The Tombs of Atuan, The Farthest Shore)
- Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass by Lewis Carroll
- I Capture the Castle by Dodie Smith
- Charlie and the Chocolate Factory & The Glass Elevator by Roald Dahl
- The Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster
- Rumo & His Miraculous Adventures by Walter Moers
- Peter Pan by J.M Barrie
- The 13 Clocks by James Thurber
- After Dark by Haruki Murakami
- The Helmet of Horror: The Myth of Theseus and the Minotaur by Victor Pelevin
- Perfume by Patrick Suskind
- Have Mercy on Us All: A Novel (Chief Inspector Adamsberg Mysteries) by Fred Vargas
- The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafón
- Day Watch by Sergei Lukyanenko
- The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson
- Seeing by Jose Saramago
- Never Let Me Go by Nazuo Ishigino
- The New York Trilogy by Paul Auster
- Hollow Man by John Dickson Carr
- Inspector Morse: The Last Bus to Woodstock by Colin Dexter
- Uncle Silas by J. Sheridan Le Fanu
- Dashiell Hammett novel collection
- The Blunderer by Patricia Highsmith
- Brown's Requiem by James Ellroy
- The Concrete Blonde by Michael Connelly
- Knots & Crosses by Ian Rankin
Whatever, Whatever, I'll read what I want...
- Ghost: A Novel by Alan Lightman
- The Lighthouse by P. D. James
- The Basketball Diaries by Jim Carroll
- Dead & Gone by Charlaine Harris
- Love is a Dog from Hell by Charles Bukowski
- Tropic of Cancer by Henry Miller
- Real World by Natsuo Kirino
- Picture Me Dead by Heather Graham
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