I picked Vampires:The Turning up on my TIVO because I had a friend who loves bad horror movies as much as I do recommend it to me. I can’t remember the last time I laughed so much.
Connor and his girlfriend have come to Thailand for vacation. Since Connor is a Muay-Thai boxer, he of course wants to see some real fights, and of course, his girlfriend Amanda get smacked with blood and she throws a fit about going to the fights (never mind that he’s a muay-thai fighter and him wanting to see a fight would not be a surprise). She breaks up with the guy and storms off in the middle of the city, with no idea where she is or how to speak the language. This girl is not the smartest in the pack. Of course, she’s prime meat for the local vampire hood. Connor sees her get hauled off to be a human blood factory, and after some muay-thai fighting, he of course gets beat up. Connor isn’t scared away though, after all, he loves this girl. He tracks down a vampire den, only to discover these are GOOD vampires, who only partake in animal blood, and who are mortal enemies of the bad vampire gang. The head of the clan, a beautiful Thai princess who is mother of all of these Thai vampires, has a plan to destroy the bad guys, but it involves some big thing about going back to her original palace and dying in the sun or something. Connor, after temporarily forgetting the girl he loves, makes it with the vampire princess, becomes a vampire so he can help her fight, and they all go off to kick some bad guy vampire ass, muay-thai boxing style. Oh wait, I forgot. There’s also Raines, a tie in to the original John Carpenter’s Vampires movie. Raines leads the current band of vampire hunters and has teamed up with the good vampires to kill the bad guys. Or wait, has he? Will the good vampires kick ass, will Connor’s girl be saved, and will he be able to magically return into being human? Or will he keep the beautiful vampire princess alive and stay with her? (That would be my vote. She’s better looking and less whiny.)
Well, I won’t tell you what Connor does. You have to see it to believe it. Just know that there are several scenes of silly muay-thai boxing thrown in between some really silly vampire nonsense. In other words, I loved it so much for it’s downright nonsense of a plot and very bad acting. Seriously. I doubt there’s another vampire muay-thai boxing movie out there that I could love so much.
Rating: 4 Purrs, with a hee-ya, turn kick, a total waste of a girlfriend, and a couple of fangs
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment