It's foggy in here.

I'm watching The Fog (the John Carpenter original of course) and it just dawned on me that Bennett, the handyman at the church at the beginning (you know the come back tomorrow at 6:00 instead guy) is John Freakin' Carpenter. I have watched this movie maybe 15 times and it just registered.

Color me embarrassed.

The Woods

I liked Lucky McKee’s first theatrical release film, May, and I liked his Masters of Horror episode, Sick Girl. His second film, The Woods, is nowhere near as inventive as these other two, and there is no Angela Bettis to liven or weird things up (well, okay, she does the voice of the creepy woods.). The Woods is much like if you blended Suspiria, Satan’s School for Girls, Acacia, the weird tree monsters from Evil Dead, and threw in a psychic teenager for garnish. It’s not bad, but it’s not great either.

Agnes Bruckner is Heather, a girl who is shipped off to boarding school out in the middle of nowhere because she can’t get along with her mother. She doesn’t like the place, naturally, with the creepy teachers and headmistress (Patricia Clarkson) pulling her out of class for weird psychic tests and the school bully calling her “Fire crotch.” After awhile, she realizes something weird is going on, something more ominous than a school bully, when all of the girls who pass the “gifted” test end up turning into a pile of leaves. You know what is going on; there are no surprises there.

Agnes Bruckner is an wonderful actress, as is Patricia Clarkson. They do well with the occasionally cardboard script. Bruce Campbell plays Heather’s dad; I only wish there had been more of him. Rachel Nichols was good as the bully, with just enough of that teenage girl evilness to make her believable.

I wish there had been more atmosphere and more tension overall. The woods were supposed to be creepy, but they ended up just looking like trees in the breeze. The CGI was laughable, but the effects at the end were creepy enough to remind me of a book I read when I was younger that still creeps me the heck out now. (The Plant People by Dale Bick Carlson. There are images in that book that I still can’t get out of my head.) Maybe that is why I am disappointed in this movie. It could have been extra scary, but instead it was lackluster. I can see why it was sent straight to video.

Rating: 3 Purrs, but only because of Patricia Clarkson and The Plant People

Feast

I rented Feast mostly because I heard that it was a jolly good gore fest, with decent acting and decent special effects, and I’ll pretty much give anything a look-see if it has the tag horror-comedy attached. The rumblings were right; it was more than decent. It was funny, it was bloody, and it was sick and twisted. It reminded much of Evil Dead II, The Return of the Living Dead, and other horror comedies. It never takes itself seriously, and once things start moving, they never really let up.

Feast’s tagline pretty much sums up the movie. “They’re hungry. You’re dinner.” There’s no explanation, and after a bit of intro for each character, weird slimy things come out of nowhere and start slicing and dicing. It’s like a drive-by horror movie, with extra rapid fire.

What was good about Feast? The acting was surprisingly good. Krista Allen shows some decent range as a single mom bar waitress, who goes from world weary, to terrorized and distraught, to tough kill or be killed in a matter of 90 minutes. Henry Rollins plays against type as a motivational life coach (yes, you read that right). Eileen Ryan fondly remembered from Eight Legged Freaks, Balthazar Getty, Clu Gulager (from aforementioned Return of the Living Dead fame), and the rest of the supporting cast do well with what they are given. Like I said before, the special effects were good, with plenty of movie-splatter fake blood everywhere and pretty respectable looking slimy monsters. Deaths of humans and monsters alike were inventive, and downright unexpected. Everyone and everything is fair game.

What was not so good? The dialog was laughable through most of it, in fact, I am pretty sure the same character repeated the same lines (maybe slight variations of, but it was darn close) multiple times in 10 minutes. The monster humping I could have done without. It was funny the first time, but excessive after three. The final battle is excellent, with the main character showing some Ripley there at the end, but after that scene, the original ending on the DVD was much better. The one in the theatrical release is too standard Hollywood, with the last “jump” scare before credits roll.

Overall, it was a good splatter fest with acceptable actors and a director with potential. It’s much better than, in my opinion, Saw or Hostel that rely on too much of a pretend “plot” and twist endings. This one is straight up, with no chaser, with no explanations. It’s not a thinking man’s horror movie at all, and that was just what the crazy monster humping the deer head called for.

Rating: 4 1/2 Purrs

Maisie Dobbs by Jacqueline Winspear

Meet Maisie Dobbs, psychologist and investigator. I found her because of a book club I belong to that puts out paperbacks. I love a mystery, so of course I bit and brought home not one, but all three of the Maisie Dobbs mysteries.

Maisie Dobbs is the daughter of a greengrocer who is sent off to live and work at Lady Rowan’s house. Lady Rowan, when she discovers Maisie reading and absorbing some difficult books in her library, takes the girl under her wing and introduces her to Maurice. Maurice becomes her tutor and second father, and teaches her and sends her on her way into Cambridge to get a degree. Unfortunately, World War I intervenes, and when a girl she knows dies, she leaves school to become a nurse. Later, her experience as a nurse in France helps her in her first case, a seemingly easy infidelity case. Her search for answers leads to more questions about those men injured terribly in the war who decide to leave society and take up residence at The Retreat. Something seems fishy, and she is determined to figure it out. The answers she finds help bring about some closure to her own past, and opens her up to a bright future as a compassionate investigator.

I really enjoyed getting to know Maisie Dobbs. She was a real, well-rounded character. She is compassionate and smart, but troubled as well. She isn’t a cardboard cut out, and when her history is revealed, you feel compassion for her. The mystery is engaging, and although I pretty much figured it all out about as soon as The Retreat was mentioned, I still enjoyed the journey. I liked the way Jacqueline Winspear described England at war and of the struggles of each person in the aftermath. They are realistic without being so awful you need to turn away. You can tell Ms. Winspear speaks from experience (that of her family at least), and I felt as if she was telling me the story of someone she knew. It is delicate but it doesn’t turn away from the brutal facts of war.

I really can’t wait to read more about Maisie Dobbs and her investigations. If you like reading mysteries set in a historical period about intelligent women who use compassion, psychology, and their minds to solve problems, similar to the Jane Austen series of mysteries or the like, you’d like Maisie Dobbs.

Rating: 5 Purrs

I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer

You know, for a straight to video movie, I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer wasn’t half bad. I’m a horror movie junkie, and I’ll watch just about anything, especially when it comes to the month of October. I heard rumors this wasn’t as bad as you’d expect it to be, and wow, the comments were right.

What’s good about it? The plot isn’t much new, in fact it’s a carbon copy of the other two, but the movie still entertains. You don’t rent a sequel like this and expect a new plot anyway. As required of all good teen slasher pics, the deaths are splatter-ific and fairly inventive. Each kid in on the secret is tormented, so all have good time in the story. The acting is pretty decent, especially the two girl leads, Amber (Brooke Nevin) and Zoe (Torrey DeVitto). How can you not like an Angelina Jolie look-a-like who plays a rocker-chick? And hey, there’s no Jennifer Love Hewitt to annoy you. I even jumped a few times. Yeah, they were cheap scares, but effective.

What’s icky about it? Well, the ex-boyfriend is annoying and not such a good actor. Of course, he could be a good actor to annoy me so much. The whole prank gone wrong idea is good, except why wait a whole year to exact revenge, when all of your secret keepers are already there in town? Well, except for the ex-boyfriend, and you could always take care of him later. Oh, and the killer, not so good an idea. But the dispatching of the killer, way too good.

Overall, it’s worth a rental if you like teen slasher movie sequels. If you are looking for something fresh and inventive, this isn’t it.

Rating: 3 1/2 Purrs

Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman

I owe my obsession with Neil Gaiman’s work to a good friend who lent me her copy of Neverwhere for a business trip I took to Seattle. I read the book in an hour, and was instantly hooked. I got my own copy of Neverwhere for the library, and recently I ordered my own copy of Anansi Boys for vacation reading. It didn’t get here in time for my vacation, but I grabbed it and read it as soon as the box arrived at my doorstep. My enthusiasm and anticipation wasn’t wasted.

Anansi Boys is the story of Fat Charlie, who finds out after his father dies that he has a brother he didn’t know about. He’s living a normal, easygoing life in London, working for a talent agency and getting ready to marry his girlfriend. Then, he makes the mistake of asking a spider to tell his brother to come see him. You see, Fat Charlie’s dad was Anansi, the Spider god, God of Stories. Fat Charlie’s brother is Spider, and he seems to have gotten all of the powers of their father. He’s charming, persuasive, and he does nothing but wreck Charlie’s well-ordered life. He steals his girl, gets him fired, and drives his crazy boss even crazier. The light, happy story works its way to a dark place, and into a mythic battle between Tiger and Spider, but it all works out in the end.

The story flows like an old Anansi tale. Tiger is the villain; Bird Woman is at The End of the World; everyone wants to own the world’s stories. I really like how this book and American Gods pull gods out of the old myths to create modern myths. It’s an interesting and enjoyable idea, a way to bring the old myths into new knowledge. I will always love Gaiman’s stories, for the quirky characters he creates, the absurd situations that somehow feel just right, and the dialogue he creates that suits each character to a tee. However, I admit, I liked American Gods better, and nothing will ever top Neverwhere.

Rating: 4 Purrs

8:55 to Baghdad by Andrew Eames

8:55 to Baghdad was written because of a chance meeting Andrew Eames had while on tour in Aleppo. He discovers his hotel proprietor's mother remembers a very famous guest that stayed at the hotel many times. She remembers Agatha Christie, and Eames's curiosity is stirred. Why was Agatha Christie in Aleppo, and why was she a regular guest? What was her journey to the Middle East like? How did it influence her work? Eames sets out to answer those questions, and in the process provides a very interesting look into how much the world has changed, and how far-reaching Agatha Christie's works actually are.

Eames takes the journey to trace Agatha Christie soon after 9/11, so the journey itself becomes even more out of the ordinary. Not only is he revealing the truth behind the romantic vision we readers have of train travel and of Agatha Christie, but he also offers insights into the pre-Iraq war Middle East and surrounding areas. He meets people, lingers with them over tea, and gets them to share their stories. He does this even in Baghdad, where the U.S. is on the cusp of invading. You get a more discerning look into how people in Iraq reacted to 9/11, and more so, how these peoples' lives are everyday. In his realistic portrayals, you warm to even of some of the more aggravating characters that share his journey.

It's chance that while I was reading this book, I also listened to an old radio broadcast of Murder on the Orient Express, one of Christie's major works, and one of the works that was directly influenced by her journey to the Middle East. It made a nice foil to the early parts of the book, where Eames traces Agatha's journey to Turkey. He takes the Orient Express out of England, which due to world wars and changing politics, has dwindled down to a mirror of its former self. It is a tourist thing, with a few cars and not as much class as you might imagine due to the old 1970's movie.

Reading this book was almost like reading an Agatha Christie mystery itself. He compares each step of his journey with her life and her writings. You get a sort of mini-biography, a travel guide, a biography of her later work, and a history of the areas he travels through, all in one book. It's well worth the read if you are a fan of Agatha Christie (which I definitely am). If you aren't, I'd recommend it anyway, just because you get a glance at what life is like in the Middle East and surrounding areas, out of the mouths of the people themselves.

Rating: 5 Purrs

Recent Aquisitions to the Library

Here are some of the books I picked up recently:

• Good Bones and Simple Murders by Margaret Atwood
• In a Glass Darkly by Sheridan Le Fanu
• Uncle Silas by Sheridan Le Fanu
• Dearly Devoted Dexter by Jeff Lindsay
• Galapagos by Kurt Vonnegut

Welcome to Hiss Hiss Purrr, the place where I (and occasionally my other half) put down all of my thoughts on the books I read and the movies I watch. If it's in the mass media, it's fair game. I love to watch movies, and I love to read. I'll watch or read just about anything, but my favorites tend to fall in the foreign horror film genre and for books, mysteries and thrillers (at least for the moment). My tastes change quite a bit, so no telling what will end up here.

I hope you enjoy whatever that is, and I hope you, whoever you are, will give me recommendations as well.

Happy reading and watch out for the crazy guy with the axe!