Catacombs

“My sister sent me a postcard. All it said was, "Come to Paris. It will be good for you." Forty-eight hours after I arrived, she and everyone I'd met were dead.”

Catacombs sounded a whole heck of a lot more interesting than it ended up being. The idea is this: young woman travels to Paris to visit her sister. The girl is a bit tense, not so comfortable in unfamiliar surroundings, while her sister is vivacious, carefree, and constantly on her sister’s case for being too “stiff.” So what happens? The crazy sister drags the wallflower sister out to a rave in the catacombs under Paris, after telling her, of course, all about the scary, mass murdering, crazy child of a satanic cult that stalks the underground tunnels, looking for hapless victims. What happens next – well, what do you expect? Pretty soon the tense sister is running around, lost, scared about of her mind that the satanic love child is after her.

I loved the idea of a horror movie in the catacombs. The whole idea of underground parties, miles and miles of underground tunnels and old stuff sounded like a wonderfully claustrophobic setting for a horror movie. It was a great idea – in fact, the setting was the best part of the movie. Everything else, well it was rubbish. But you know, I have to say what bothered me the most was Pink. Yes, I said Pink, the pink-haired, Let’s Get This Party Started singer with the crazy abs. Her music, not terribly bad – but her acting was awful. She plays the fun loving sister and has absolutely no chemistry with Shannyn Sossamon, who plays the other sister. She wooden, and in turn, Shannyn seems even more wooden and bland. Instead of being tense and spooky, it ends up just being painful. Oh yes, also, the whole trick ending is just ludicrous, really. We’ve seen it before and seen it much better.

If you can’t tell already, I was disappointed with Catacombs. So much potential and it ended up being just a horrible retread of Creep (which wasn’t awesome by any means, but it was much better than this. Plus Franka Potente – got to love her!)

Rating: 1 Hiss – stupid movie – made me all interested with your creepy catacombs and ending up being ludicrous Phooey on you