Splice

I have been pretty excited about Splice for awhile, from way back when I first read about it in EW ages ago. When I saw it was coming to a theater near me, I was thrilled. I ended up pleased but not overwhelmingly so. It was good, and had potential, but it wasn't the movie I had in my head.

Sarah Polley and Adrien Brody are two rock star geneticists. They create some weird creatures that create proteins for a pharmaceutical company, and they want to go on to splice with the human genome. When told no, they do what normal movie scientists would do. They go there. As these things go, of course it was a bad decision. Regret and bloodshed ho!

All in all, I loved the ultra trendy scientists, the idea, etc., but it felt slow towards the middle. I expected more action and bloodshed a la James Cameron's Aliens and instead got slow burning drama a la Ridley Scott's Alien. It's not a bad thing, I just expected something different. Sarah Polley was a wonderful cross between Lady MacBeth and Dr. Frankenstein. I loved the mixed parallels. It telegraphed too much though, so when it went full throttle to the end I knew fairly well how this would play out.

Rating: 4 Purrs for a horror movie that didn't tread a whole lot of new ground but did make it fun while it lasted.

2012

"When they tell you not to panic, that's when you run!"

I love disaster movies. I have the remake of The Poseidon Adventure on DVD. I've seen the TV version and Beyond The Poseidon Adventure. The Day After Tomorrow? Check. The Towering Inferno? Check. Earthquake? Check. The Airport movies? Yep. Now these movies are usually bad, but they are also so bad they are good. 2012, well, it cries for a RiffTrax.

My biggest problem with 2012 is the fact that it plays the standard Roland Emmerich does disaster movies playbook the whole way. (You know, secret science stuff, no one believes the truth, montages of random characters that no one cares about really because they are cardboard stereotypes, epic sweeps of far away countries also affected by the disaster accompanied by sweeping music, lots and lots of explosions and CGI.) It opens with some scientists finding out some really, really bad news. They rush to tell the politicians, and then secret stuff starts to happen. Fast forward a bit. The bad stuff starts to happen for real. John Cusack stumbles upon it, the everyman with the troubled family life, and then proceeds to run like crazy, everyone yelling a whole lot because everything is.so.very.important. Will they survive? The fact is it's very hard to care because they just don't create any sympathy with the viewer. They are so cardboard you just don't care. You even get the "Today is our Independence Day!" speech. Wait, twice!

Okay, well so what's good? The initial John Cusack grabs the family and races California crashing into the ocean in a limo was pretty damn hilarious and yet awesome at the same time. I imagine seeing it on the gigantic screen would have been fun, even if it was super heavy on the CGI. I actually laughed out loud. The number of times they escape disaster by the skin of their teeth is so many I lost count. It gets to be ridiculous way too fast. A character actually says, "Oh God, not again." I agree.

Maybe 2012 isn't so bad. Or maybe it's so bad it's good, if you can get past the awful, awful heavy-handed hammy acting. I don't really know yet. I might have to watch it again to tell for sure. But I will definitely skip the credits. One can only take that song once.

Rating: I'm not even sure. 3ish Purrs, maybe?

Black Hole by Charles Burns

I picked up Black Hole by Charles Burns awhile ago because the cover looked interesting and it showed up as an item in my QPB catalog. I thought Steve would enjoy reading it but never really expected to ick it up myself. Then I read an article on MTV's Splash Page that listed it as one of the contributor's favorite horror comics. Well, that put it in a different light altogether. Of course I had to pick it up then.

In Black Hole, the teens in town either have "the bug" or not. "The bug" is an STD that passes from one to the other, causing some mutation or another. Some mutations aren't so bad, maybe an extra small mouth or your skin sheds. Some are really bad - disfiguring the face so much you can't recognize what the person looked like before. Regardless, once you have it, you have it forever.

The stories are sad and lonely, the art is stark black & white with severe shading that only enhances the feeling of separateness felt by the teens. It's horrific- the mutations, the alienation, the rage these kids feel, but I wouldn't consider it horror, at least not in the sense as I define it. It was however terribly good. I highly recommend it.

Rating: 5 Purrs for a haunting, sad, eerie story told with beautiful art

Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? by Philip K Dick

I never read a lot of PDK before this year. I read some of his short stories, which I liked well enough, but I didn't like them enough to really pick up a full book and give it a whirl. That was until my friend John recommended Ubik. Then I fell into serious lust. I believe I went right out and bought another 5 PKD books the very next day after finishing that one. I was told to pick up Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? next. I have to admit, I loved it, but not as much as Ubik. Not that Androids wasn't exceptional, trust me. It was. But Ubik was such a mind fuck, I don't know that anything will top it.

I loved the movie, Blade Runner, so I fully expected to find many similarities between the two, but as most book adaptations go, it was not meant to be. Actually, I didn't mind that at all, which is unusual for me. Androids focuses on Rick Deckard, an android bounty hunter, his pursuit of some escaped androids, and his desire to own a real animal, which is some sort of status symbol/religous thing in this story's universe. Really, though, the whole story focuses on the question of what it is to be human, as many of the androids Deckard hunts maintain that he himself is more android, more machine, than they are, and what happens to our humanity once we rely on technology so much that we have to own a real animal just to feel a bond with another living thing.

I love the ending, which I can't go into here because it is really worth reading for yourself. Other than that, I must say Androids is definitely work reading, although Ubik is still my favorite. Of course, I think I have about 4 other PDK books to read, so something else might knock Ubik out of its number 1 spot. Maybe.

Rating: 4 Purrs

The Mutant Chronicles

I rented The Mutant Chronicles from NetFlix, mostly because I love Thomas Jane in just about anything. I'm not sure I can forgive him this one though. This one felt more like a straight to SyFy (why oh why change your name why?) flick, not even a straight to DVD flick. It was that bad.

In some weird steampunk 1910 type universe, there are 4 corporations. They fight each other using trench warfare. A hole opens up and the mutants come out, slashing in lovely CGI gore. (by lovely I mean BAD. Really bad.) The world is lost (oh no!) and the Fellowship of the Ring must take the one ring to Mordor...wait wrong movie. A rag tag group of super fighters from the various corporations must band together to blow up the machine and save the planet. I know, it is as silly as it sounds.

What seemed somewhat interesting at first only heads pretty much straight into boring, oh-my-god seriously territory very quickly. The idea of a steampunk type world based on WWI rather than the Victorian Age could have been really interesting. In fact it held my attention here and there. Unfortunately the painful acting, awful plot, and ridiculous John Malkovich cameo just killed it. Oh and the, really that's the end ending. That too. I knew the minute the camera panned up to a red-clocked figure and I saw it was Ron Perlman that this movie was doomed. I like Ron Perlman, but with a fake accent and missing his HellBoy make-up, well, it just didn't seem right.

I really wouldn't recommend this one even to die-hard sci-fi fans. It's just too painful. And I like goofy sci-fi movies. Shut off the DVD player and read some Philip K Dick instead.

Rating: Hiss. Hiss I say!

The Happening

I avoided The Happening like the plague until it finally came on HBO and I DVRd it. I really wish, after watching it all the way through, mouth agape in wonder at how bad a movie could possibly be, that I could hunt Mr. Sixth Sense down and ask him for my hour and a half back. I mean, I have seen bad movies. I enjoy bad movies. I watch them with relish. Usually, those movies are so bad they are good. Even Manos, Hands of Fate was worthy of watching, simply because the MST3K guys made watching it enjoyable. I am sad to say that I doubt even those guys could make The Happening worth watching again. I think my mistake wasn’t hunting down a RiffTrax or Cinematic Titanic track to watch with it. Then maybe, just maybe I wouldn’t be so bitter about the 1.5 hours this movie cost me. I don’t know though. Maybe not.

What I liked about this movie. Hm. That’s a tough one. Is there anything? Well, there were some scenes that could have been truly disturbing. Unfortunately, they were all in the trailer. The images of people throwing themselves off of buildings, hanging from trees, and all other forms of mass suicide could have been horrific, if they were in the hands of a more capable director. Unfortunately, they weren’t.

I could take that leap of faith and think that Marky Mark Walberg was intelligent enough to actually teach a junior high science class. If I squinted enough and just jumped right in there and suspended that disbelief, I could believe that two people, one of whom is a favorite actress (Zooey Deshanel) could be married, despite a complete lack of chemistry. I mean, a complete lack. None. In fact, I often wondered if they were in the same movie, shooting the same scenes together, seeing as so much of it is shot in single actor frames, sort of like how no one believes Pacino and DeNiro were in Heat together because they never seemed to be in the same frame. Seriously, so much of the movie was shot in these single actor frames I wonder if anyone was actually shooting the same scene at the same time.

So much of the plot was telegraphed early one that I can't help but think I would have known the big a-ha twist even if it hadn't been spoiled for me but dozens of others. I mean, at the beginning, one of the kids in Marky Mark's science class says, "An act of nature, and we'll never fully understand it." I think Mr. Sixth Sense thought he was being profound, but you know, not really. And when I heard it I knew it would come back around. And guess what. It did. And when it did, I seriously eye-rolled my whole body. I half-way expected some big drum roll in the background.

I don't think this movie was supposed to make me laugh, but it did. Out loud. I almost cried I laughed so hard. I seriously wonder if any of the actors read the script before signing on, and if they did, what on Earth possessed them to go ahead and sign up? If not, did they fire their agents after reading the script? And how on Earth did anyone greenlight this project? I want to find out who it was and punch them right in the baby-maker. Yes, yes I do.

If you want to watch a ludicrous killer plant movie, watch something better, like Day of the Triffids. Or better yet, read the book. It's a better use of your time than this painful. heavy-handed, oh-so-dramatic drivel. I swear this is the absolute last time I watch a M. Night Shyamalan movie. I have now been burned bad enough to take no more chances.

Rating: Can I give more than 5 hisses? Cause I would. Hell, it's my blog. Hisses to the infinite power for this one.

District 9

I have been waiting forever to see District 9 pretty much since I first read about it way back in Rolling Stone's or Entertainment Weekly's Summer movie preview. They described it as a thinker's hard sci fi movie, and yes, that's pretty much what we got. Finally, truth in advertising. Ha.

I hate to give too much away, because I really think the less you know about District 9, the happier you will be with the movie. What you see in the trailer is this: a derelict alien spacecraft has is sitting in the sky over Johannesburg. The aliens inside are refugees of sorts, and have been relocated to an area called District 9. Folks are not too pleased, as you would expect.

I loved the real time, documentary feel of the film. It felt like Cloverfield, only I didn't get the nice wooziness I had seeing that one on the big screen. Ugh. This had just the right balance of sci fi, gore, tension, and social commentary to make me happy. I would have to say it's one of the best films I have seen this year, and definitely one of the best I have seen this summer. It was like a Night of the Living Dead in the midst of a collection of Speed Racers. I loved Speed Racer, it was a fun popcorn movie, but Night of the Living Dead had weight. It had substance and was fun all at once.

I can't recommend District 9 enough. It was so good, you have to go see it. Maybe we can get more movies like this if this one makes enough money.

Rating: 4 1/2 Purrrrrrssss - I would definitely see it again.

Ghostwalk by Rebecca Stott

I picked up Ghostwalk by Rebecca Stott expecting one type of book and finding, on the whole, another. I thought I would be reading a mystery, but instead I found a complex weaving of mystery, history, romance, and thriller all in one package. Ghostwalk was excellent.

Ghostwalk starts off with the death of Elizabeth Vogelsang. Elizabeth died under slightly mysterious circumstances while writing a biography of Isaac Newton. Enter Lydia Brooke, hired by Elizabeth's son Cameron to come in and finish the biography. Lydia and Cameron have a history together, and when Lydia returns to Cambridge, their romance is rekindled, despite the fact that Cameron is married with children. Lydia begins picking through the mostly written biography and in turn ends up getting drawn in to the mystery surrounding two separate series of murders - a group of Cambridge scholars that Elizabeth discovered when researching Isaac Newton's biography and a group of Cambridge-affiliated researchers that have drawn the wrath of a radical animal rights group. Are these two groups of murders actually connected in some way? Lydia begins to think so, and begins to feel haunted by the ghost of (possibly) Newton. While she follows Elizabeth's research, Lydia realizes that Elizabeth might have uncovered a conspiracy that someone might be willing to kill for. Will Lydia be able to finish the book? Who is the ghostly figure that haunts her? How are the two sets of murders tied to Newton, if they are at all, and will Lydia be next?

This book is a great mystery; it successfully intertwines the current and historical time lines so that you feel much like Lydia does. On one side, you have this wandering, flowing narrative, and on the other, you are inundated with historical facts about Newton, Cambridge, alchemy, glass making, and more. It’s difficult to do, and I never felt overwhelmed with either side. You are captured in a dreamlike state, so much so that I longed to travel and walk where she walked, to see what Elizabeth saw, and know Newton to the extent that these main characters did. It literally felt like I was reading a walking dream and those types of books end up way high on my list of best. Mostly because I think reading should take you away, bring you into a place where your imagination can fly, and help you discover new things about the world and yourself, leaving you in a better place than when you started (even if that place is a sad one). Ghostwalk is one of those. I’m sure some will find things that could be improved, but really, it was perfect to me.

Rating: 5 Purrs. I’ll put this one up there with The Virgin Suicides and The Lovely Bones for the way the words worked in my head.

OMG Star Trek num num num

When I saw Quantum of Solace this weekend I was hoping for the new Watchmen trailer. Instead I got the latest Star Trek trailer.

Wow.

Wow.

I *love* Star Trek. I've seen all of the movies (outside of the the first one, when I was 4) in the theater. Some on opening day. I even love the The Voyage Home (Save the Whales).

I really had to keep myself from jumping up out of my seat and wiggling around like a crazy fool. It took a lot of willpower. I'm still giddy thinking about it today.

And on that note...a little Star Trek The Voyage Home quote to brighten your day.

"I mean, I may have carried your soul but I sure couldn't fill your shoes. " - McCoy to Spock

We are going to need a bigger boat.

Steve has been watching this series from the BBC (I think) called Planet Earth. He also knows that while Jaws is one of my all time favorite films, it is one of my favorites because I have a terrifying fear of sharks. Big ones, small ones, I don't care. My hands get clammy just thinking about sharks, which sucks, because I do happen to have a serious love of the ocean. So just think of me, on the beach in Mexico or wherever, fully fortified with alcoholic beverages, saying to myself, there are no sharks, there are no sharks, and then remembering this video.

You Tube video of a Great White


Bastard.

X-Files Redux

Yesterday I caught up on this new show everyone has been telling me about. Fringe. It looked intriguing in the previews, but part of me said, enh. Looks like Alias (which I never really got into no matter how hard I tried) married The Eleventh Hour (which I did get into, the British version of course, and dang it I forgot to DVR the premiere of the US version last night), had a side affair with Lost and birthed the The X-Files all over again. Which yeah, I was pretty much right.

Which doesn't mean I am not totally, so much, OMG, Srsly in love with it. Cause I am.

I am so ashamed of myself. Where's my loyalty? I loved the X-Files. I even watched the horrid last two seasons. I've watched every single episode at least twice. I own them all on DVD. (The original DVD printings I might add, before they got so damn cheap.)

I'm sorry, Mulder & Scully. Really, I love Fringe and its adorable wide-eyed, expressionless Agent Olivia (I even love her name!) and baby-sitting Pacey in a completely different way than I love you.

Promise.

Pinky Swear.

Stiff: The Curious Lives of Cadavers by Mary Roach

I wasn’t so sure I could believe the hype surrounding this book. I wondered how someone can write about what happens to cadavers when you donate them to science, make it funny, sometimes laugh out loud funny, and yet still be totally respectful of the dead. Somehow, Mary Roach is able to be all of that and more.

Stiff was hilarious. Mary Roach is matter of fact from the start, using her unique and funny voice to explain all the different ways your body can be used if you donate it to science. You might think your body would end up in some Gross Anatomy class, and it might, but there are plenty of other ways your cadaver can be used. Think car crash experiments. Think military gear tests, especially bombs and how they affect the body. Think practice sessions for plastic surgeons. Think the body farm, where forensic scientists see how well and how long, and generally how you decay. Before all of that though, she includes a chapter on the history of cadavers and medical science, including body snatchers and their place in this weird sphere.

Stiff seems like it might be just a wry take on what happens to you after you are dead, but really Roach includes an amazing amount of detail in such a small book. It can become a bit heavy, but just when you think you can’t take any more, Roach digresses into some odd fact or makes some kind of comment that makes you laugh. The important thing is, she never “speaks ill of the dead;” in fact, her tone can sometimes be almost reverent. She always makes sure you understand the purpose behind using the cadavers in experiments; she wants you to know what they want to learn, and how cadavers have played an unsung role in more than just medical history.

I really enjoyed this book. In fact, I think it’s probably one of my new favorites. It really is an amazing combination – funny, serious, informative. I'm definitely going to pick up Spook, her book on the afterlife, and Bonk, or everything you always wanted to know about sex.

Rating: 5 Purrs for someone who can write,

“It’s just that there are other ways to spend your time as a cadaver. Get involved with science. Be an art exhibit. Become part of a tree. Some options for you to think about.
Death. It doesn’t have to be boring.”