Friday the 13th remake

I just watched the teaser trailer for the upcoming Friday the 13th movie. I was doubtful. I love love love the Friday the 13th movies. I watch them back to back every Friday the 13th, if I can. I've probably seen the first 2 in the series 100 times. 

The remake looks awesome. 

Can it be? Could it be true? Could it be a scary, bloody, oh so fabulous remake of the original? I really hate to get my hopes up. Really I do. 

Pandabob laughed (well maybe it was a nervous laugh) because I giggled like a little kid at Christmas time while I watched it. 

The Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer

I tried very, very hard to not read these books. I looked at them much like I looked at the Harry Potter books when they first came out – I sneered. I said to myself – they are “teen vampire romance novels.” I rolled my eyes. I mocked and said no way. Then I made the mistake of picking one up. (I lay the blame on my brother's girlfriend. It's on her doorstep. She's such an enabler.) I said to myself, okay, fine, fine. I’ll try it out and see what the big deal is. Next thing I know I am voraciously reading Twilight like it’s the next best thing to a full-bodied, aged Cabernet that I can’t get enough of. Honestly though, instead of comparing these books to a Cabernet, I should probably compare them to those iced sugar cookies you can get at the grocery store. You know they aren't good for you, you know there' s nothing good or natural in them, but you can't just eat one. Then, you'll crave them later, like I imagine a crack addict probably craves the rock.

If you haven't been living under a rock, you'll know that there are 4 books in the series, all outlining the ins and outs, the ups and downs of Bella Swann, normal, clumsy (ahem Mary Sue ahem) high school girl and the love of her life Edward Cullen, who also happens to be a vampire who doesn't believe in eating people. That's it in a nutshell. Throw the word teenager in there, think back to when you were one, add a little vampire, and rinse repeat for 4 books. There's drama, there's OMG I want to kiss you/eat you OMG you're so perfect, etc., and there some stalking in there for color.

Twilight starts off with Bella Swann moving from Pheonix, AZ to Forks, WA to live with her dad. Her mom's recently remarried, and Bella wants to give her mom some space, so off she goes to the great rainy Northwest, where the sun hardly shines and Bella is so sure she will be miserable. Here in Forks, Bella meets Edward Cullen. He's a strange boy. He's pale, hangs out only with his family (the equally beautiful Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett), and when she sits next to him in biology he acts like she has the plague. He confuses the heck out of her, and naturally she falls head over heels for him. The rest of the book pretty much runs the gamut of OMG does he like me, no way could he like me, oh wow he does like me, oh wow you sparkle in the sun (yes sparkles. see - silly and yet OMG), oh crap someone wants to kill me, oh yeah he loves me.

Rating: 5 Purrs. Yes, it's totally emo. They are both incredibly silly emo kids mooning over each other but I totally loved every second of it, even the creepy stalker vampire boyfriend parts. The story was totally Mary Sue, but I could relate to some of Bella's sad little emo teen-ness and the story was fun. Like I said - sugar cookie goodness.

New Moon is all about Edward running away because he thinks he has no soul and that he or one of his family members will probably kill Bella. Enter Bella the zombie-girl and Jacob the best friend trying to get into her pants (so to speak. Also *werewolf*). Also, lots of I must keep up appearances, oh wow I am so using you to hide how craptastic I feel, let's go do dangerous stuff so I can try and kill myself but not really, really try to kill myself, oh I shouldn't treat you this way, holy crap will he really go off and kill himself, I can save the day if I don't trip, and BAM oh shit, you love me, really?

Rating: 4 Purrs. Kind of silly, but not too terrible follow up. You can see why he left and why she saves him.

Eclipse is pretty much about the continuing love triangle between Jacob, Bella, and Edward. Edward's decided to stick around, and now Jacob's out to try and convince Bella she wants him instead. In doing so he becomes way too close to a previous relationship of mine for me to like anymore (angry boy, let's say). So it's pretty much: oh somethings up out in Seattle with some mysterious deaths, oh crap could it be a leftover bad guy from the previous books, oh yes it might, oh crap Bella's in danger, grr we will fight over who can protect her best, oh shit I really love both of them but I choose him, can we save the day whoops maybe I shouldn't have done that, awesome new wolf friend Seth high-fiving Eddie, whee we can get married way too young cause of course I don't mind your antiquated sensibilities my dearest sparkly vampire boyfriend.

Rating: The controlling nature of the two boys irritates me here, but I like Seth a lot so I can't give it less that 3.75 stars.

And then there was Breaking Dawn. Oh man. Seriously. Married at 18? Really? Feather biting, bedframe breaking vamp on human sex? Not too bad but woefully under written (of course this is a teen book, so I can forgive that) I'm sorry, did this really include a vamp-human hybrid mommy-killing baby? Yes it did. This one was broken into 3 parts, and I could have done without the second one completely. In fact the whole Nessie storyline could have gone away and I would have been so much happier. So this one was: married! Sex! Uh oh human killing, blood drinking baby on board, whoops - you imprinted on my baby? Whee I'm a vampire (finally I might add. Seriously it took 4 books?) and I am so good add it (ahem Mary Sue ahem again) and I save the day cause I really love my new family grrrr I will protect you with my mind-shield.

Rating: 3 Purrs - Bella the vampire was the awesome. She was fun. Edward became a seriously whiny bitch that ruined him as a character to me and Jacob creeped me out even more. Seth however was a win. Alice - always love her. What I hated the most - that Bella didn't have to really give up *anything.* After 3 whole books of knowing what she would give up to follow the life she wanted, she ended up having it all. It would have been nice for there to have been some consequences to her actions. I know it's fiction and a fairy tale. I wouldn't feel cheated if it hadn't been an underlying theme in all the books previous.

Overall, I loved these books. They were totally silly. They were totally not good fiction and most definitely not the "next Harry Potter," (J.K. Rowling has much better character development and plus, people actually face the repercussions of their actions in Potter books.) but I loved them anyway. My brother's girlfriend and I have midnight tickets to see the film and are debating which t-shirt to buy to wear to the festivities. I am embarassed at my love for these books. Having a devastating crush on Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart doesn't help matters (Ed & Bella in the movie) The books are just.so.bad. and yet I just.can't.stop. In fact, writing about them makes me want to run home and read all four again back to back. I am addicted to Twilight Tuesdays on the MTV blog and cleolinda's livejournal posts about the books.

I am sick. Please send help. (If he's sparkly, a vampire named Edward, and writes music even better.)

See? I'm a lost cause.

Sigh.

The Ruins by Scott Smith

I picked up The Ruins ages ago, back when we were wandering around a Wal-Mart in Taos, New Mexico last year and I had heard it was a good read. It has to be, hands down, one of the ickiest horror novels I have ever read. There were points I actually winced. I don't mean for this to sound like a bad thing. In fact, it's an awesome thing. I was even more pleased to watch the Unrated movie version and see that some of the most skin-crawling aspects of the book were kept, in spirit anyway.

In The Ruins, two college-age couples are vacationing at a Mexican resort. Jeff, Amy, Eric, and Stacy are getting tans, drinking too much, and relaxing near the water. It's pretty much what you would hope for a sun-drenched vacation to be. They've made some friends - 3 crazy, non-English speaking Greeks and a German named Matthias. Matthias's brother, Henrich, hasn't returned from the archeological dig he ran off to (he met the love of his life and followed her there), and Matthias wants to run out there for the day and hunt him down. Despite some initial unease from Amy, the two couples and the sole sober Greek agree to accompany him, thinking they will be in for an adventurous hike through the woods to see some ancient ruins. Unfortunately, these ruins aren't your average Tulum and these kids are woefully unprepared for a hike through the jungle. This place, they find, is home to an unbelievable force. It's going to take them one by one, and as the stress increases, these kids slowly fall further into denial or almost psychosis. Will any of them survive to warn others away? Will someone come to find them?

Scott Smith does a great job of slowly building suspense in the novel, but the real charmer here is the baddie. Like I said before, there are some scenes that just make your skin crawl. It makes me ick just thinking about it ( I have this wisteria at home that just grows and grows. Makes me wonder if Mr. Smith also has a wisteria vine growing in his garden...maybe that is where he got his idea). You honestly don't know if anyone will make it out alive, if there will be a final girl or guy, if they will all turn on each other before the baddie gets them, or if the Greeks will ever show up. 

I don't read a whole lot of horror novels, which probably sounds weird since I watch a ton of horror movies, but this one is a keeper. Just be prepared to never think about visiting Mayan ruins again the same way, or the vines growing in your garden, or even a simple hiking trip. It's got suspense, great pacing, and enough cringe-worthy moments to make you want to put the book down but you just can't stop reading it so you don't. The movie eliminated some characters, switched some things around, and focused more on the gore than the suspense, but I picked up a copy after seeing it. It wasn't the book, but they hardly ever are. 

Rating: 5 stars for still making me shiver when thinking about the vines. As odd as t was, the thought of it growing...well, I won't spoil it. Ugh.

The Orphanage

The Orphanage wasn't quite what I expected. I expected a straight up horror movie and instead I got a supernatural, creepy, spooky thriller. Not a bad thing. Not a bad thing at all.

The Orphanage is Laura's new home. She's brought her husband Carlos and adopted son Simon to live in the orphanage where she grew up, hoping to open the house once again as a home for orphaned children. After moving in, Simon begins telling Laura about his invisible friends, and naturally she writes it off as normal childhood behavior, until Simon tries to show her his invisible friend's hidey-hole. Frustrated and busy throwing a party for the children she hopes will come to live in the home, she yells at Simon, sees a spooky kiddo in a scary burlap mask, and away Simon runs only to disappear into thin air. Laura refuses to give up hope, searching and searching until she begins feeling strange, otherworldly presences in the home. She becomes desperate, Carlos is ready to move on, but Laura refuses to give up hope. Eventually they invite parapsychologists into the home to help them find Simon, but it seems that it is left to Laura to unravel what really happened to Simon. Are there really ghosts in the house? Is Simon still alive?

The Orphanage was way spookier than I expected and the ending is just heart-breaking. Several times I jumped in my chair spooked. This is very good - not very many movies make me jump in my chair without resorting to cheap theatrics. The scene with the "freeze" game was so tense I clenched my hands. Why can't I find movies like this more often? Cause wow. When the mystery is revealed I was surprised just like I should have been. Oh yeah, and don't forget the gruesome looking face of the lady lying in the road. Ugh and awesome all at the same time.

Rating: 4 1/2 Purrs for a beautiful, haunting, scary film

X-Files Redux

Yesterday I caught up on this new show everyone has been telling me about. Fringe. It looked intriguing in the previews, but part of me said, enh. Looks like Alias (which I never really got into no matter how hard I tried) married The Eleventh Hour (which I did get into, the British version of course, and dang it I forgot to DVR the premiere of the US version last night), had a side affair with Lost and birthed the The X-Files all over again. Which yeah, I was pretty much right.

Which doesn't mean I am not totally, so much, OMG, Srsly in love with it. Cause I am.

I am so ashamed of myself. Where's my loyalty? I loved the X-Files. I even watched the horrid last two seasons. I've watched every single episode at least twice. I own them all on DVD. (The original DVD printings I might add, before they got so damn cheap.)

I'm sorry, Mulder & Scully. Really, I love Fringe and its adorable wide-eyed, expressionless Agent Olivia (I even love her name!) and baby-sitting Pacey in a completely different way than I love you.

Promise.

Pinky Swear.

The Mother of Tears: The Third Mother

For many, many years I waited in anxious anticipation to see the realization of a dream. Not the top of Mount Everest. Not the Aurora Borealis. Not the Grand Canyon (all though that was very cool). I waited for the completion of one of my favorite trilogies - the Three Mothers trilogy by Dario Argento. When I heard the day had finally come for him to make the final film in the trilogy, and it was going to star Asia Argento but also include a role for Daria Nicolodi, I just about wet my pants. I waited for Mother of Tears to come to theaters like most Star Wars geeks waited for Episode 1 (okay, I might have been one of those geeks too...but I didn't dress up). 

Mother of Tears starts off with the discovery of a mysterious box, sealed and chained to a coffin buried right outside of an old cemetery. The local priest sends it to the museum where Sarah Mandy and her colleague, Gisele, open the box to see what's inside. Kind of like Pandora, Sarah and her friend unleash hell on earth, with her friend getting the big old brunt of it right then and there. After narrowly escaping with her life, Sarah and her boyfriend, Michael, investigate. Who killed Gisele? Why are people going mad, committing great acts of violence in the streets, and committing suicide at an alarming rate? Who is the Mother of Tears and what does she want with Sarah Mandy?

I watched this DVD twice before writing this. When I first watched it, I was disappointed. Of course, I knew that I probably would be because most of Argento's recent work was just not what I loved in his early films. However, this first viewing was much more disappointing than I was expecting. So I knew I had to watch it again to really see what I liked and disliked, just to make sure I was seeing it for the film it was rather than the disappointment it was bound to be after so many long years of anticipation.

I warn you from here on there might be things I say that might spoil it for you - so beware.

First off, this movie is gory. I mean gory, gory, blood, guts, and gore. From the opening scene where Gisele bites it to the very end there are buckets of blood everywhere. And when I say blood, I mean blood, guts, maiming, eye gouging, self-mutilation, torture, and child death. It was downright disturbing the first time and didn't really seem any easier the second time around. The opening scene where Gisele gets killed involves her mouth being crushed with some sort of screwdriver thing, being sliced open, and strangled with her own guts. That's not the worst of it. I like gore. I like buckets of blood, but for some reason this time it just seemed like too much. Ugh. I did love the mouth thing with Gisele though. It looked way freaky.Plus the scene where Udo Keir bites it was just awesome. Chop chop, slice slice! Overall, all of this slice and dice reminds me of the images used opening credits (and others like them) - think Renaissance images of Hell. 

Second, this movie has its tense, suspenseful, and scary moments. When Sarah is returning to the room and hears Gisele being murdered, you do get  bit toward the edge of your seat, especially when the baboon starts stalking her. Baboons stalking anyone is scary. The building tension of Rome falling apart seems kind of silly at first but builds to a decent tension by the end. The scene in the train bookstore where the police detective is leaning right into her and not seeing her is well done. Honestly, though, the pacing seems a bit uneven to keep the tension and suspense going full on until the end. 

The acting in this movie is really varied; some of it is good and some of it borders on community theater. Asia Argento does a good job even though some of her lines are a bit silly ("don't leave me hanging," really?). The witches are just absurd - the gangs of witches roaming the train station act more like punk rockers out of a bad exploitation film or spoof  than spooky evil witches out of a horror film. Asia has much more chemistry with the guy playing the police detective (smoking hot police detective) than she does with the actor playing her boyfriend Michael. He's just awful. He overacts the part and just bumbles around. I think it's a major flaw because it is hard to stay "in the world" with him shouting and bumbling around. Udo Keir was awesome as always plus it was nice to see him again (he was also in Suspiria).  The actress playing the Mother really didn't have a whole lot to do other than stalk around naked, but the relish she shows when she is licking the tears off of a dying woman's face makes your skin crawl. Other than that, she is pretty sub par. (The brief appearance of Mater Lachrymarum in Inferno had more oomph to it than most of the scenes in this one - which spells bad news. The good thing is most of the other henchmen were creepy enough.)

What was missing - most of the atmosphere from the first two films in the trilogy. Suspiria had the psychedelic colors, and frantic editing, the spectacular death scenes. The whole movie felt like a dream. Inferno was more noir, and it had that awesome underwater room scene. Plus, you can't forget the amazing music by Goblin. It added such mood to the films. This time around there is only one scene with that kind of heavy color wash and most of the music is operatic. I miss the sound that Goblin gave the original. 

The ending just kind of fell flat for me. The final blood orgy scene just kind of felt, well, enh. I don't know what it was missing, but it was missing something. And the crawling through the pool of skeletons to get out just felt out of place (but very reminiscent of Phenomenon). Of course, the others had kind of wham, there's the end, endings too, so maybe that is par for the course. 

These first two movies were spooky. That's what made them so intriguing. This one seems to rely mostly on the gore without the spookiness. I miss the spookiness. 

Rating: 4 Purrs because I love the idea of the Argento family back together again but somehow the magic was missing this time. It's that ending. It's good and then enh. 

Theater of Blood

I love old Vincent Price movies. You can imagine how excited I was when saw this one was on my Monster channel (before I lost it – phooey on you DishNetwork), I was very, very excited, because outside of the Dr. Phibes movies, Theater of Blood is my favorite Vincent Price movie. 

In Theater of Blood, Vincent Price plays Edward Lionheart, a very egotistical actor who all he really wants for Christmas is an award usually given by the Critic's Circle for the best actor in the theater. Unfortunately, he's overlooked, shunned, and critically flamed by the Critic's Circle, so he decides to attempt suicide after confronting the harpies. Too bad his suicide is just one other thing that doesn't seem to go right in Lionheart's life. He survives his swan dive into the Thames and  is rescued by the crazed tramps living in the area. Cue the revenge. (I love Vincent Price's revenge movies - they are always so dramatic.) This time, instead of the plagues or some such like Dr. Phibes, Lionheart's revenge follows the many grisly deaths that took place in the Shakespeare plays in which he starred. He slowly takes out the critics who denied him his just reward while the police are helpless to stop him. 

Vincent Price really hams it up and Diana Rigg is just amazingly beautiful. You know what else makes me really love this movie? The fact that they both consider this one of their best and favorite films. They have very good taste, if I do say so myself. 

They just don't make them like this anymore, and I hope beyond hope no one gets it in their craw to remake this anytime soon. Theater of Blood is very much a movie of its time - it has just the right amount of camp and buckets of bright red theater blood to make a perfect pie - even if it is stuffed with poodles. 

Rating: 5 Purrs  - it' s my favorite Vincent Price movie ever. How could I not give it all 5 Purrs? 

Buffy & The Doctor: The Comics

Buffy Season 8 and the Doctor Who comics (Go comic version of David Tennant!) have become my new favorite comics. I've tried to read a few TV or movie based comics, but none really seemed to capture the essence, the joy of why I watched the TV show or movie in the first place. Buffy Season 8 and Doctor Who somehow have.

Somehow, Joss and team have given me more Buffy when I thought I had none. I loved the show, and I didn't really think they would be able to reasonably continue the story lines in comic form, nor did I think I would like it. I figured I would read a few issues and then say never mind, the soul is missing, the art isn't that great, etc. Man, was I wrong. I love the new story lines. The new season gave some space between the series finale and this new set of stories, so it was easier to remove myself into this new Buffy world, all while continuing with familiar characters I know and love. The dialog in the comic is still Whedon-esque, so much so that I can hear the snappiness and almost hear the actors' voices. The art captures the familiar glances and nuances of the Scoobies.

The Doctor Who comics have many of the same pluses - even though the Doctor's companion is Martha (not my favorite). The art, at least for the first few issues, was perfect to capture the goofiness and occasional darkness of the Doctor Who story lines. The artist also does a good job of capturing some of those really goofball expressions that make David Tennant my favorite Doctor. (I'm not a real fan of the artist in the 4-6 issues. It just doesn't feel the same.) The stories feel like mini episodes, which is what I am looking for. The dialog has the same feel as the Buffy comics do - it's enough like the TV show to make me feel like I am reading what I obsessively watch on my DVR and DVDs.

Buffy and Doctor Who are two of my favorite comics to watch for in my pull pile from Titan, and man, every time I see a new one I really have to make myself not clap in front of the other comic book geeks. But hey, if you can't clap with glee over a new comic while standing next to a giant Hulk statue and not be embarrassed, where can you?

Rating: 5 Purrs - I love my Buffy and Doctor - don't even ask to borrow them . Get your own.

Recent Acquisitions to the Library

My latest haul from Quality Paperback Books:

• An Incomplete Revenge: A Maisie Dobbs Novel by Jacqueline Winspear - I love these mysteries. 
• Not Quite What I Was Planning: Six-Word Memoirs by Writers Famous and Obscure by Rachel Fershleiser - This sounded so intriguing.
• Monster, 1959 by David Maine - A monster from the 50's comes to life. 
• Love Is a Mix Tape: Life and Loss, One Song at a Time by Rob Sheffield - I hear this one is a tear-jerker. 
• Obedience: A Novel by Will Lavender - A prof tells his students that their assignment is to save the girl he's got trapped somewhere by the end of the semester.
• The Vicious Circle: Mystery and Crime Stories by Members of the Algonquin Round Table by Otto Penzler - An anthology of mysteries from those sharp-tongued members of the Round Table.
• Secret Lives of Great Authors: What Your Teachers Never Told You About Famous Novelists, Poets, and Playwrights by Robert Schnakenberg - I love this series of books. 
• The Serpent's Tale by Ariana Franklin - The second in the series of medieval CSI. 
  

Stiff: The Curious Lives of Cadavers by Mary Roach

I wasn’t so sure I could believe the hype surrounding this book. I wondered how someone can write about what happens to cadavers when you donate them to science, make it funny, sometimes laugh out loud funny, and yet still be totally respectful of the dead. Somehow, Mary Roach is able to be all of that and more.

Stiff was hilarious. Mary Roach is matter of fact from the start, using her unique and funny voice to explain all the different ways your body can be used if you donate it to science. You might think your body would end up in some Gross Anatomy class, and it might, but there are plenty of other ways your cadaver can be used. Think car crash experiments. Think military gear tests, especially bombs and how they affect the body. Think practice sessions for plastic surgeons. Think the body farm, where forensic scientists see how well and how long, and generally how you decay. Before all of that though, she includes a chapter on the history of cadavers and medical science, including body snatchers and their place in this weird sphere.

Stiff seems like it might be just a wry take on what happens to you after you are dead, but really Roach includes an amazing amount of detail in such a small book. It can become a bit heavy, but just when you think you can’t take any more, Roach digresses into some odd fact or makes some kind of comment that makes you laugh. The important thing is, she never “speaks ill of the dead;” in fact, her tone can sometimes be almost reverent. She always makes sure you understand the purpose behind using the cadavers in experiments; she wants you to know what they want to learn, and how cadavers have played an unsung role in more than just medical history.

I really enjoyed this book. In fact, I think it’s probably one of my new favorites. It really is an amazing combination – funny, serious, informative. I'm definitely going to pick up Spook, her book on the afterlife, and Bonk, or everything you always wanted to know about sex.

Rating: 5 Purrs for someone who can write,

“It’s just that there are other ways to spend your time as a cadaver. Get involved with science. Be an art exhibit. Become part of a tree. Some options for you to think about.
Death. It doesn’t have to be boring.”

Recent Acquisitions to the Library

Part of my latest horde:

• The Ladies of Grace Adieu by Susanna Clarke - I loved Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell so we'll see how this one goes.
• Gatsby's Girl by Caroline Preston
• The Dead Fathers Club by Matt Haig
• The Collected Poems of W.B. Yeats by William Butler Yeats
• The Daughter of Time by Josephine Tey - Another Richard III mystery. 
• The Post-Birthday World: A Novel by Lionel Shriver
• The Nymphos of Rocky Flats: A Novel by Mario Acevedo - Vampires & nymphomaniacs. I couldn't pass it up. 
• My Lush Life by Douglas McEwan - Highly recommended by my wine bar guy. I had to pick this one up at Half Price. 
• The Complete Stories by Flannery O'Connor - I love Flannery O'Connor's short stories. 
• E.E. Cummings: Complete Poems 1904-1962 by E. E. Cummings - I've always liked e e cummings, but lately I have become borderline obsessed. 
• The Best of Roald Dahl by Roald Dahl
• Roald Dahl's Book of Ghost Stories by Roald Dahl
• Parental Advisory: Music Censorship in America by Eric Nuzum - I loved his book  The Dead Travel Fast, so I thought I would check out his earlier book on music censorship.
  

Susie, do you know anything about... witches?

My copy of Mother of Tears just arrived at Pandabob's office. Oh how I wish I were over there so I could rip the package open and watch it *right the hell now.*

Three Bags Full: A Sheep Detective Story by Leonie Swann

Three Bags Full is another one of those books I would never have found had it not been for Quality Paperback Books (QPB). I joined the book club on a whim back in college and have consistently found books there that were in a word, awesome. I mean awesome in the true sense of the word, too, not the overused "awesome" people say today. Three Bags Full is just another in that long line of satisfying impulse purchases.

In this very amusingly titled book, the sheep of Glennkill have a problem. One morning they are out and about, grazing the fields like normal, and they find their beloved shepherd, George, dead with a spade through the heart. Of course, the sheep can't rely on the humans of the village to investigate the murder thoroughly. The sheep know someone in the village had to have a reason to want George dead...if only they can put it all together. Now it's up to Miss Maple (named not so much to mimic Miss Marple, but she is the cleverest sheep in Glennkill) and her fellow flock to uncover whodunit. After all, George was more than just a shepherd. He was their friend. He read stories to them. He promised to take them to Europe. They want "justice."

What I love most about this book is that, yes, it can seem like a silly premise. It is funny. But the sheep truly care for George. The author thinks enough of her characters to create individual personalities for each sheep or ram in the flock, weaving together true sheep characteristics with human so that each character is memorable, each provides a part to the greater good of the flock, and each in their own way helps solve the mystery. The flock's interpretations of strange words and the villagers' actions sometimes are way off base but sometimes they are terribly accurate. The author uses these funny, sweet, goofy sheep to point fingers at her human characters, uncovering the darkness within, but also uncovering what makes each of us human. It's very effective, amusing, and sad. The mystery is simple (no Agatha Christie Then There Were None here), but the journey is what makes this story so worthwhile.

The best scene - when the sheep try to communicate "whodunit" to the humans at the "Smartest Sheep in Glennkill" contest. I was in tears I was laughing so hard. Seriously. Pandabob didn't know what to do - he didn't know if he should pull the car over so I could breathe (I read this on the way back home from New Mexico).

I won't forget Miss Maple, Zora, the winter lamb, Mopple, and their friends for a very long time. I never thought I would read a book that had me rooting for the sheep, but this one did. It was a perfect vacation read - funny, engaging, bittersweet, and worth every page.

Rating: 4 1/2 stars - it meandered a bit here and there but otherwise it was perfect

Ah vacation...

Vacation - the days where you can read a million books, take a million pictures, relax...

Well, I didn't quite get a million books read, and maybe not a million pictures, but I did read a whole heck of a bunch (I was only gone a week or so) and took so many pictures it's going to take me weeks of cropping, etc., before I can get them all posted.

I took about twice as many books as I actually read on my trip last week, which is pretty normal. My goal was to take things I wanted to read, even if I had read them before many times. I took some new stuff too, but I took some old favorites to revisit because I can never seem to convince myself to re-read things when it's "regular" reading.

What I read while I was gone:

• Bare Bones by Kathy Reichs - I picked these up because I love Bones. While the characters in the book are quite different from the TV Show, I still enjoy the dual mystery and forensics detailed in this series. I didn't think this was nearly as good as some of the former entries in the Temperance Brennan series of books. Here Dr. Brennan is trying to take a vacation with the hunky cop from Canada, but instead she find a big cache of bones that might be bear and might have some human there too. The investigation, death threats, and gore ensues. There's a lot of detail about endangered species here and you can't help but think that it's a topic close to Ms. Reichs' heart. I'd recommend it if you like forensics and want a pretty detailed look at the science.
  
• The Dispatch by Bentley Little - I like Bentley Little. His books are like horror cotton candy. They are tasty, fun, easy to eat up, but sometimes they give you a stomach ache after. This one is a bout a guy who writes letters. The letters he writes end up making things happen, and someone notices and wants to use him for something not so ethical. It's not his best work. I'd recommend The Walking or The Collection (short stories) first.
• The Maul and The Pear Tree by P. D. James and T. A. Critchley - A non-fiction work about the Ratcliffe Highway murders that took place in the early/mid 1800's. The book was very thoroughly researched, but the story felt sort of dry. Not nearly as engrossing as P.D. James' mystery stories. It's nice on a completist's perspective to have read this too, but I think I'll stick to her fiction from now on.
• The Mummy : or Ramses the Damned by Anne Rice - I can't help it. I love this book. Always have, always will. Julie's dad dig's up Ramses' tomb, only to discover he's an immortal. An immortal who fell for Cleopatra. Chaos ensues. Romance blooms. Things blow up and people die. Seriously, it's not Pulitzer Prize material, but I love it anyway. It's my favorite Anne Rice book, ever.
• No Escape by Heather Lowell - It's a romance/thriller/mystery. I know. So sue me.
  
• Sunshine by Robin McKinley - Robin McKinley, one of my favorite authors of all time, writes a vampire novel. It's an interesting take - Rae, nicknamed Sunshine, likes to bake things. She's the Queen of Cinnamon rolls. She wants to just do that, but when some vampires kidnap her, she remembers what her Grandmother taught her - how to transmute objects. When she decides to save the life of Con, the vampire chained to the wall (she's supposed to be his lunch but he won't eat her), her life will never be the same. What I like about this book is that Con isn't a sympathetic, romantic vampire, at least not that much, and definitely not for most of the book. He's flawed, not really all that handsome, and Rae doesn't really find him attractive. In fact, she thinks something is very wrong with her for even helping him. I've read this before, and I picked it up again because of my sister-in-law getting me hooked on all of these Sookie Stackhouse vampire novels and those Twilight books. This one was much more complex and a completely different voice. I highly recommend it - and please Ms. McKinley, write the darn sequel.
  

Primeval

Primeval was that movie – you remember the trailer – that made you think it was about this super scary serial killer who had killed thousands of people. Then you find out it is about a great big man-eating crocodile. Really, it’s not that bad. Definitely not as bad as I thought it would be. In fact I was pleasantly surprised.

In Primeval, Dominic Purcell is a fancy pants journalist who doesn’t want to trek down to Africa like his boss is telling him to do. He has better things to do. But he goes, and takes Orlando Jones and Brooke Langton with him. They are on the “story of the century” to find, and with the help of a Steve Irwin type, trap the man-eating crocodile. Well, you know what happens next right – you’ve seen Anaconda? (Oh well, okay. Maybe that was just me…) Surprise – instead, there is an even bigger story – one about the evil warlord who wants to kill the group because of some pesky eye-opening footage. Off they go to avoid the croc and the warlord. Maybe they will make it, maybe not.

You know, even though the story was silly, the croc was silly, and the characters are kind of silly, I couldn’t help but get into the movie. Maybe it was just me. I do have a thing for gigantic attacking animal movies. Plus it is loosely based on a true story I believe, with the croc being part of the story. He gets so big and hungry for man flesh because of the warlord dumping copious amounts of bodies into the river where he lived. Kind of icky, when you think about it.

 
I don’t know if I can really recommend this one. It was no Anaconda. In fact, I’m not sure it’s even an Anaconda: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid. But I enjoyed it on a purely half-watching, easy Saturday afternoon sort of way.

Rating: 3 Purrs for a croc named Gustave.

Grotesque by Natsuo Kirino

I picked up Natsuo Kirino’s Out on a whim, mostly based on the cover and because it was on the end cap at Barnes & Noble. I loved Out. It was bloody, feminist, thrilling, tightly woven. When I saw that Natsuo Kirino had a new book out, I could barely wait for it to hit paperback (which I didn’t, I waited for it to hit my Quality Paperback Book Club). I was worried it wouldn’t be as good, but I was wrong. Grotesque was different, but still excellent.

Grotesque is a dark, brooding novel, much like Out, in which Kirino continues to peel back the dark corners of modern Japan and the everyday darkness women there face. Her characters, though, face the world in such colorful ways – like slicing up abusive husbands in showers. This time around, Kirino tells the story of two women in their 30s who have been killed almost a year apart in the same way. Yuriko and Kazue knew each other a long time ago, and now both turn tricks (one for fun and one to make the rent).  It may seem like the only things these two women might have in common is their professions and their deaths, but really what ties them together is the narrator – a nameless woman who happens to be the older sister of one and the former classmate of the other who tells the tale is an almost monotone and yet self-protective way.

The narrator slowly tells the histories of these two women, telling her own arrogant, desperately clinging story as well. Yuriko is beautiful; in fact, she is pretty much doomed by her looks, as she soon decides it is the only way to make her way in the world. Kazue, on the other hand, is awkward and unpopular, constantly trying to rise and yet getting nowhere.  The narrator is miserable and spiteful of everyone from the beginning.  These girls grow up in a world where survival of the fittest is evident in every move they make.  In this world, conformity is king; there is a place for everything and everything should be in its place. Yuriko is too beautiful. Kazue’s drive for success and popularity is too evident to be accepted.  They really have no chance – and in the end find freedom in their grotesque and monstrous selves.  To become free – to sell themselves as prostitutes - allows them a freedom most in Japanese society can’t find. In the end, that freedom gives them the chance to be murdered by a foreigner and be envied by the narrator, who wallows in her bitterness and hatred.

It’s a powerful indictment of the world Natuso Kirino lives in, and a very powerful voice to be heard. I think Kirino is an amazing writer. You can enjoy her work on a purely superficial level, reveling in the grotesque and disturbingly bloody images she creates, or you can look and see her deeper message. Either way, it’s a deeply disturbing and yet truly enjoyable read.

Rating: 4 ½ Purrs – just what I was looking for – a truly disconcerting and liberating book. It would be 5 Purrs but it wasn’t quite as good as Out.

One Missed Call (Remake)

I loved the original One Missed Call. Takashi Miike is one of my favorite directors, but his American remake is nothing like the original - at least in tone, scares, or quality. I almost bought this movie and boy, am I glad I didn’t.

In One Missed Call, people are haunted by a phantom ringtone. They get calls to their voicemail saying One Missed Call, with this weird ring tone, and they hear their own deaths. Shannyn Sossoman is Beth – the heroine. Her friends are the ones who keep dying off with the weird phone messages. She hooks up with Ed Burns (but doesn’t “hook” up with him) to solve the mystery.

I usually don’t mind American remakes of Asian horror all that much. I really liked The Grudge and The Grudge 2. Dark Water was okay. The Ring was freaking scary as hell. I almost climbed right the hell out of my seat when Samara came crawling out of that TV (I saw that movie as a team-building event for work. How cool is that?!). One Missed Call just left me cold. I don’t care of you practically remake the movie, shot for shot, it has to be scary, and this version just plain wasn’t. The motive was trite, and followed pretty much the same plot and scares as the original. At least with the original, you had some good scares and the actors had some chemistry. This version had none of either. I hate to say that too, cause I like Ed Burns and Shannyn Sossoman.

I read in the IMDB trivia for this movie and saw that the director Eric Valette told the actors and crew to not watch the original (and he didn’t either). Somehow, that explains so much.

Rating: 4 Hisses – this should have been scary scary scary. Instead I was bored out of my mind.

Coupling

Steve: You bring these things into our homes. They sit on our chairs. They watch our televisions. Now, I just need to know, on behalf of all men everywhere, I just need to ask, please... What are they for? I mean, look at them! Look at the chubby little bastards! Just sitting around everywhere! What are they, pets for chairs? 

[to shop assistants] 

Steve: Come on, you sell them. What are they for? 

Junior Shop Assistant: Well... 

Senior Shop Assistant: You sit on them. 

Steve: Ah! Ha ha ha! You see, that's where you're wrong! Nobody sits on them. Okay, watch this. Here's the cushion. I'm putting it on the sofa. Now watch me. I'm stting down. And what do I do on my final approach? I - oh! - move the cushion! You see? It's not involved! It's not part of the whole sitting process. It just lies there. It's fat litter! It's a sofa parasite!

I watched Coupling at first under duress. We have these friends who said, oh, you’ll love it. It’s hilarious. I thought, isn’t it a British “Friends”? The first episode didn’t impress me much, but I kept watching, and I ended up laughing my ass off for 3 seasons.

Coupling is all about a group of 6 friends. You have Steve & Susan, who start dating at the beginning of Season 1. They bring along their friends Patrick (who used to date Susan and is a real ladies’ man), Sally (Susan’s best friend who is completely obsessed with getting old), Jane (Steve’s ex who just can’t believe that Steve broke up with her), and Jeffrey (Steve’s best friend who is completely inane when it comes to the opposite sex). The show follows their swapping and pairings and dates and constant talks about sex. It’s really quite funny.

The best parts of the show, to me, are the all of a sudden rants that Steve ends up having. He bottles things up and then BAM - enter the sofa cushion conversation that I quoted above. That’s the episode that had me in tears, literally laughing and bawling because I have had that conversation with Pandabob, only he never involved Daleks. That’s the episode that now has my parents watching Coupling too. I was watching it on my laptop one night up at the condo in Red River and they couldn't figure out why I was laughing so damn hard.

Coupling is definitely not a British Friends. In fact, I never liked Friends. Coupling is funny in the way Friends should have been. My only caveat is that Season 3 isn’t as funny – Jeffrey leaves the show and is replaced by Oliver, who is just as hapless but somehow not as funny. Jeffery just gets himself into these situations that are just so hapless and impossible. 

Rating: 4 Purrs – Coupling isn’t Black Books (which I will HEART forever because of ‘Popsicle! Popsicle!”) but it’s pretty damn funny.

Killer on the Road by James Ellroy

I love James Ellroy. The man has such a twisted brain and such a way with words. His books always bring out the dirtiness in the places the sun shines the brightest, and this book, Killer on the Road is no exception.

The Killer on the Road is Martin Plunkett. He’s a super smart guy with no soul, a guy who discovers his true vocation as a murderer in the occasionally sunny town of San Francisco. He relishes his ability to commit the perfect murders, and spends the next decade traveling across the states wrecking havoc until he finds a true soul mate, which proves to be his undoing.

Ellroy uses first person narrator here and uses it to show you just how twisted this Martin Plunkett is. It’s very effective. Plunkett grows up, refining his technique to the tune of the Manson murders and sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll. His mind is terrible, and it’s even more eerie if you have read Ellroy’s autobiography of sorts, My Dark Places. Plunkett’s beginnings remind me much of Ellroy’s own. (Not that I think Ellroy is a serial killer or anything, just that he obviously knows a thing or two about breaking and entering.)

I think Killer on the Road is second in my list of favorite Ellroy books, following closely behind The Black Dahlia. It’s just so evil.

Rating: 4 ½ Purrs for just being you, Mr. Ellroy. No one writes quite like you do.

Recent Acquisitions to the Library

I love birthdays. It's like Christmas for my book and DVD libraries.

• Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer
• Falling Man by Don DeLillo
• The Story of Edgar Sawtelle by David Wroblewski
• The Omnivore's Dilemma: A Natural History of Four Meals by Michael Pollan
• The Suspicions of Mr. Whicher: A Shocking Murder and the Undoing of a Great Victorian Detective by Kate Summerscale